True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Stephen and I were in the bathroom getting ready for the day when he looked at me with a strange expression. I asked what was wrong, he touched me above my lip, his eyes went wide and then he said, “it’s nothing”. I looked in the mirror and screamed.

Pam: You were looking at a huge wrinkle! It’s not a wrinkle – it’s a crater! When did this happen?

Stephen: No, no, no. It’s fine. I think it’s cute.

Pam: It’s not cute – it’s horrible! It’s the size of the Grand Canyon! How did I not see this before?

Stephen: [silence – smart]

Pam: I’m so glad we have to wear masks now. If I get bangs and wear dark glasses, no one will ever see my wrinkles.

Stephen: You could always grow a mustache.

Pam: I already have!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Silage of the Lambs

With fava beans

Valentine’s in Quarantine

Valentine’s in quarantine

Fulfills my heart’s desire

To know I’m safe within my walls

I warm up by the fire

It’s not just me I’m keeping safe

By spending time alone

It’s all my friends and those I love

And people I don’t know

I’ll gladly make this sacrifice

Until is safe to be

Around the ones who made

This very sacrifice for me

Valentine’s Day 2021

Bert’s words of love were music to Betty’s ears

 

Image from Nobleworkscards dot com

Doctor My Eyes

(To be sung to the tune of Doctor My Eyes by Jackson Browne)

Doctor, with each advancing year

Things have just become unclear

My eyes have developed cataracts

I can’t see to send a text

If I drive I’ll have a wreck

If I shoot I know I will always miss

Doctor my eyes

Fix my cataracts

Please fix my sight

Before it all turns dark and black

One eye’s cloudy like a coke

I know that it is no joke

And the other is like looking through some snow

I can’t see to take my pills

And I’m feeling pretty ill

And the TV is just like a radio

Doctor my eyes

Fix my cataracts

Please fix my sight

Before it all turns dark and black

Doctor my eyes

Fix my cataracts

Please fix my sight

Before it all turns dark and black

The Original Song

Moo Moos

Some say muumuus don’t look good but Daisy and Bessie think that’s udderly ridiculous

Overpacking

My father-in-law used to travel for business and his work often sent him to Chicago. When he stayed with us, I would always give him a hard time about his packing skills. He would show up with 2-3 suitcases for a few days away from home. I also traveled frequently for work and was able to pack everything I needed into a carry-on. I never thought I would encounter such gross overpacking again until I ordered a decal of a mouse.

Very small, very thin. Would easily fit in an envelope.

The decal was relatively inexpensive until I added in the shipping cost which was almost as much as the decal. I couldn’t understand why the shipping was so high until the package arrived.

Now this is what I call overpacking.

Yep, it came in this. It was in an envelope all right but that envelope was inside that huge box packed with plastic air pockets. All I could do was laugh and be thankful it arrived safely.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Exuberance

Marvin and Gerald excitedly discussed their decision to leave Uber and go to Lyft

You are about to enter a door. You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. You walk into this room at your own risk. This is not a new world but simply an extension of what began in the old one. You are entering the Twilight Zone!

The story is about Emmett, a dog who appears to love his mom. Every night they cuddle on the couch and every morning they joyously look forward to another day together. In the Twilight Zone, the unthinkable happens. A mishap which defies belief, imagination.

During their normal morning routine, Emmett goes outside to do his business. He eats, then goes outside to do his business again. (He runs a major enterprise.) He then settles down for his first morning nap. Before her online workout, mom loads treats into balls to keep Emmett amused while she exercises. 

Emmett loves his treat ball

The Twilight Zone

When we pass through the door, we discover a bizarre incident. 

Dad finds mom unconscious on the floor. Laying next to her is a cracked treat ball. Emmett is napping. So what happened?

Dad wonders if Emmett tried to kill mom. Once she regains consciousness, Mom says Emmett always rolls the ball under her feet to remind her that he needs more treats. Dad isn’t so sure. If it happens every day, is it about treats… really? Or is something more sinister hiding under the surface?

Our World

Fortunately, this story only happens in the Twilight Zone. It’s true that in this world Emmett rolls treat balls near his mom’s feet when she works out, he also drops toys under her feet and stands close enough to trip her. So far no injuries have occurred. Could they? Is the motivation attention? Treats? Or does Emmett have an evil side? No one will know for sure until they walk through the door that leads to the Twilight Zone.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Does he look like he has ulterior motives?

Dry Ice

That cube has been dry for 89 days and counting

%d bloggers like this: