True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Water, Water Everywhere

I’m a heavy drinker. When I’m home, I always have a HUGE mug filled with ice and water.

I hate the incessant dripping on the outside of the glass, so my modus operandi is to drink from an insulated tumbler.

At least in the summer, every glass I’ve tried (and I’ve tried a lot) has condensation on the outside which eventually drips on me when I take a drink. I always thought it was due to an inferior cup. Insulated should be just that – a barrier that prevents humid air from condensing on the outside.

My search for the perfect cup

My search for the perfect cup

After nearly giving up in my search for the perfect glass, I was overjoyed to find a Tervis tumbler on sale. I snapped it up, thinking my days of being dripped on were behind me. After all, Tervis is a top brand and if anyone can make quality insulation, it should be them.

Sadly, my Tervis tumbler drips as well.

I’ve finally given up my search for a new glass because the perfect one does not exist. Instead, I’m experimenting with ways to collect the condensation before it falls on me.

I’m using a cloth cozy on the bottom of the cup and a magnetic can holder through the handle.

My innovation on the right. Maybe I should patent it!

My innovation on the right. Maybe I should patent it!

If you have any better ideas – please send them my way.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Weather Report

Comprehensive weather report

They’ve got all the bases covered

Actual weather

Actual weather

Splitting The Check

I enjoy visiting with friends I haven’t seen in a while – especially when the time we were separated melts away as soon as we’re together. This is exactly how it was when I reunited with a former work group.

Gathered at a restaurant, we talked for hours about our families, our lives today and reminisced about the past. While the entire evening was filled with laughter, hilarity ensued when the server brought the check.

We started with the most logical approach – splitting the bill six ways.

We each had the same total until someone pointed out that two people at the table didn’t drink anything stronger than water. As a result, the amount was recalculated for the nondrinkers and a new total was presented to the drinkers.

Of course, the process didn’t go as smoothly as I made it sound. Amidst the addition and subtraction were comments like “I don’t understand”, “That isn’t right” until someone said “Trust me – just do it”.

After muddling through, and checking to make sure we had the correct total and tip, we discovered the server had not only given us an overall bill, but she’d given us individual checks as well. As nice as that gesture was, we ignored it because we had already figured everything out the hard way. It was too late to go back.

Casual observers would have never suspected we were actually a group of intelligent women. Sometimes the obvious eludes us.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Good friends

Good friends

(Quite the contrast to splitting the check with Vivian.)

This church production is sponsored by the

Sponsored by the “Holy Spirits”: The Way, The Truth, and The Bud Light!

Thanks to Mark and Diana Turner for the pictures

Separate Checks, Please

My friend Vivian and I spent a week together, eating out for nearly every meal. We always split the bill, asking for separate checks when possible.

At one restaurant, we decided to share a plate. The server asked if we wanted one check or two. At the same time I answered one, Vivian said two.

I reasoned that we could divide the total ourselves since we only ordered one meal.  Nevertheless, Vivian wanted separate checks so that’s what we got.

When the checks came, I pulled out cash for my share. Vivian didn’t have the right change to pay her’s separately, so she took my money and we combined the two into one.

When the server returned, I slowly and deliberately told her how nice it was that she split the bill into two checks, as my friend requested. But sadly, my friend didn’t have the right change, so we combined the checks back into one. I thanked her for taking the extra steps and apologized that it had been unnecessary.

The server laughed at the exchange. Vivian looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

The lesson here is that when someone agrees to be my friend, they open themselves up to good natured ridicule and reading about it online.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Lucky Vivian!

Lucky Vivian!

One in a Million

One in a Minion

One in a Minion

Dirty Money

Toward the end of a delicious meal with my friend, Vivian, the server left our check with instructions to take our time.

Out of habit, I immediately reached for my wallet. The following conversation ensued.

Vivian – You don’t have to pay now. We’re still eating – you should wait.

Me – I want to get my money out. You can wait until you’re finished – there’s no rush.

Vivian – Exactly my point – there’s no rush. You shouldn’t touch that dirty money and then continue eating with those nasty fingers. It’s gross. Just wait.

That was when I started having fun.

I reached into my wallet, pulled the money out and rubbed it between my hands – right in front of her face. I made a big show of it prior to placing the money with the check.

Then I grabbed a french fry off of my plate and rubbed it between my hands before placing it in my mouth. Again, making a big show of it.

Vivian – That’s disgusting. You don’t know where that money has been. You’re going to catch some awful disease.

Me – This coming from the woman with four cats who stick their paws and faces in your glass after using the litter box and licking their own butts.

I think we all know who won that conversation!

Check mate.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

(Hey Vivian – I’m still not sick!)

This is one of the creatures that keeps Vivian's immune system active

This is one of the creatures that keeps Vivian’s immune system active

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