Dog Training

At Clown Attack Training School, my dog always goes for the juggler

Morning Conversations

Over breakfast, Stephen sat down with a Guinness mug filled with foaming liquid.

Pam: Are you having beer for breakfast?

Stephen [chuckle]: No. It’s tea.

Pam: Why is there foam? That’s really beer tea, isn’t it.

Morning beer’s okay if there’s tea in it

Following a few moments of my incessant chatter.

Stephen: Max [dog] really likes the sound of your voice.

Pam: Really? That’s nice. What’s he doing?

Stephen: I think it relaxes him. He closes his eyes and listens to you talk.

Sweet little Max – he’s a good boy

[Long pause]

Stephen: I like the sound of your voice too: “#!$%&!  *!#? – stay in your @#!! lane and drive faster, you !@#$%” But it’s not always relaxing.

The next day.

Stephen: I feel so good when I wake up in the morning and hear “you’re such a good boy” until I realize you’re talking to the dogs.

Emmett, another good boy

Pam: You’re a good boy too.

Stephen: That sounds weird but it’s better than being called !@#$%.

If he was, he’d be my favorite

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

 

Fake Mews

Fake Mews – often believable

Labor Day 2020

Labor Day 2019 was vastly different than this year. I’ve got my fingers crossed that 2021 will go back to 2019 standards. The following video reflects how I’m feeling, maybe you too.

However you choose to celebrate, stay safe.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Working Sign

Women never have to advertise

The Feeder

Stephen is the feeder in our house. He feeds our animals and me. He’s an excellent cook and doesn’t start fires or blow things up. Of course that’s irrelevant with dog food because it’s already prepared, at least for some dogs.

Audrey, one of our dogs, is a very finicky eater. She eats gourmet dog food that our other two love but there are times when she refuses to eat.

Hunger strike

Stephen’s work schedule changed to an earlier start time. To assist, I started feeding the dogs breakfast. My boys, Max and Emmett, continued to gobble their food like normal but Audrey wouldn’t eat. I tried to bribe her by sprinkling cheese and dog treats on her food. Nothing.

Refuses to take a bribe

When Stephen provided the evening meal, she would eat double. Last week, Stephen offered the dogs breakfast and she ate as though it was her last meal.

Eating breakfast for Stephen

She knows I’m not the feeder and that I can’t cook (even though her food is already prepared). She simply refuses to eat when I try to feed her – just like everyone else in my life. I guess she’s smarter than I thought.

Too smart to eat food prepared by Pam

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Kin Folk

Our mani-kin is the only family that lives nearby

Betrayal

I’ve been betrayed – more than once. It started last year when my beloved car of 12 years needed such extensive repairs, it was no longer cost effective to keep. I thought we would be together at least another 8 glorious years, but my car apparently wasn’t committed to me so we parted ways.

This was a traumatic separation, one I didn’t care to repeat so we chose a vehicle with a history of longevity and reliability. Now, less than a year later, the new car is being recalled. It’s nothing serious they say – just the dashboard computer that controls all the car’s functions could stop working at any moment. But don’t worry, a programming fix will be available within two months and only a billion vehicles need to be reprogrammed.

To top that off, our eight year old car is being recalled as well. The dealer needs to check the frame to make sure it has enough integrity to hold the car. If not, the car will simply fall off the frame. Repairs will start in a month, again with a billion vehicles being impacted.

Or did my car just fall off the frame?

My choices don’t seem very promising. I can choose to drive a vehicle whose computer could die at any moment or drive the car ready to fall off the frame.

Like I said, I’ve been betrayed. If you see me on the road, you might want to steer clear because I may not be able to.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

Deoderant

Once elusive, de Odor Ant has come out of hiding

Conversation Snippets

I regularly attend an exercise class and overhear some of the funniest comments.

A Singer

Instructor referring to a singer with an exceptionally deep voice in one of the songs used for a routine: I wouldn’t want to meet that guy in a dark alley.

Pam: What does he look like?

Instructor: I have no idea

Here’s what he looks like:

He doesn’t look scary

Here’s the video of the song so you can hear his voice:

Unconditional Support

Student responding to instructor’s comment: WOO HOO!! YAY!! WOO HOO!!

Pam: What did she (the instructor) say?

Student: I don’t know – I didn’t hear.

Communication

Instructor referencing Student #1’s upcoming date: You can always tell when a couple is dating because they talk to each other.

Student #2: When my husband and I go out, I talk and he eats.

Instructor: I don’t limit my talking to dinner, I talk all the time. I haven’t heard my husband’s voice in 15 years.

These made me laugh so I’m going to start keeping track. Expect to see more in the future and if you know me, be careful what you say because it might show up here.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam