As the country prepares to elect a new president, arrangements are being made for President Obama’s departure. Temporary storage for the documents scheduled to go in the Obama Presidential Library is located about a mile from my house. A huge space that once housed a local furniture store, the building has been empty for years. Work is now being done to get it ready to receive the materials for the new library.
I first found out about it when I saw union protestors in front of the building. With eight rats and one bed bug, it was impossible to miss the spectacle. I’m not sure of the significance of the bed bug – maybe if the library was for Bill Clinton, but certainly not Obama.
With the anticipated number of documents set to arrive so large, I’m sure they’ll need help sorting and censoring everything. Since the library is so close, I thought I might apply. To establish that I know what will be expected, here’s a sample of the resume I plan to submit.
For the interview, I’ll show up with a bag full of black markers so they know I’m serious. Now might be a good time to invest in Sharpie – remember, you heard it here first.
May the farce be with you!
After 24 years of faithful service, we finally said goodbye to our old washer and dryer.
Missing two decades of machines, we quickly discovered that a lot had changed; but after weeks of shopping, we made our decision.
The new machines are easy to operate and beautiful to behold. During the first wash, I mocked Stephen when he stood mesmerized watching through the clear lid. Later, when alone, I found myself transfixed by the shiny rotating drum, finally understanding Stephen’s fascination.
Fortunately I haven’t encountered any laundry related problems but I did run into one small snag. Before receiving the new machines I painted the laundry room, including the wall behind the old washer and dryer painting only as far as I could reach. Although the new machines are taller than the old ones, they sit farther from the wall revealing the unpainted area. Oh, well. It’s worth it for a washer that can do this.
I can’t wait to see what it will do next!
May the farce be with you!
Dear Diary: Today is glorious. My 1,400 siblings and I have hatched. We’ve said our goodbyes and are scattering to the wind. Although we only knew each other for a few seconds, our parting was bittersweet.
Dear Diary: I am beyond ecstatic. I have found the perfect spot to weave my home – next to a light with a roof and a beautiful post to extend my web. It’s still daytime yet I’ve already caught a tasty treat.
Dear Diary: Night is upon us and the light has miraculously turned itself on. I didn’t have to do a thing. Now I’m waiting for the wondrous bounty that awaits.
Dear Diary: I’ve run into a snag. One of the walls next to my web has a hole that opens. Giant two legged creatures walk into the hole and disappear; they call the hole a door. One of them screams when near and moves incredibly fast. I fear this will scare away my prey.
Dear Diary: Last night was difficult. The giants moved through the hole and past my web several times during the night. One even tried to chase me away but I remain steadfast.
Dear Diary: The screaming giant is back. Although the others laugh, they make every attempt to protect the loud one. I fear my home may be in danger. In fact, I also fear for my life.
Dear Diary: The danger is increasing. I remain vigilant as the giants continue to invade my space.
Dear Diary: The worst has happened. One of the giants caught me and placed me in a leafy area far from my home. I’m afraid I will starve.
Dear Diary: All is well. My new home has turned out much better than I hoped. I have many spaces to weave my web and prey steadily wander into my trap. The best part – no more giants.
Dear Diary: The giants has been replaced by four legged, long tailed green creatures. The giants call them lizards. They move quickly and eat my food. I must plot my revenge.
Dear Diary: The lizards have eaten several of my siblings. I am ever vigilant.
Dear Diary: I’m truly frightened, a lizard has approached my web. He possesses a wildly dangerous demean~~~