Home on the Range

Where the pans and the spatulas play

 

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Audrey Rose

Surrogacy is all the rage in Hollywood. Why ruin your own body when you can ruin someone else’s instead, right? The logic made sense to Stephen and I, so we also went with a surrogate. The only difference is that we didn’t use our own DNA to make the baby. We used her’s.

Mom Ginger and her pups

It was a surprise when Ginger gave birth to one gray and the rest black/white puppies. Our new baby looked like this.

Audrey at 4 days

It was fun watching her change as she grew.

Audrey at 7 days

Audrey at 17 days

Audrey at 25 days

Audrey at 39 days

Audrey at 10 weeks, 4 pounds

When we finally met her, Audrey was up to 6 pounds.

Audrey at 4 months, 6 pounds

She’s been an absolute joy to have around and gets along great with her siblings.

Mia (L), Max & Audrey

This week we started puppy training beginning with an orientation. After only one hour I now sit on command! I can only imagine what Audrey will learn!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

Sandwiches

Can you tell which witch is the good one?

Broken Nose

“Hallelujah! I can breathe through both nostrils! It’s a miracle! I am sooooooo lucky! Praise the dog!”

I’m sure I said this or something similar as I lay on the floor writhing in pain after Max, my Italian Greyhound, broke my nose. Coming home from a brief outing, Max was excited to see me and hit his head, with the force of a baseball, on my sniffer.

Max hit me harder than this

I heard the crack, felt intense, blinding pain, fell onto the floor, shouted words of praise to Max, and curled into a fetal position with my hands covering my face waiting for the pain to pass.

This wasn’t the first time I had broken my nose but I hope it’s the last. I was a teenager the first time I split my snout. In a car with a group of friends, we decided to do a Chinese fire drill – a prank in which passengers get out of a stopped car, circle it and return to their seats. My nose broke when I ran into a friend’s shoulder. Everyone in the car ran the wrong direction except me .

My second major break occurred during a major break in my acting career. After being cast as the princess in “The Frog Princess”, I tried to walk through a glass window I had mistaken for an open doorway. Fortunately for the production, I spent the majority of the play inside a frog head.

No one could tell my nose was broken

No longer able breathe through my nose, I underwent surgery to repair the damage. As I was healing, I sneezed and jammed my schnoz into Stephen’s shoulder. My doctor was less than pleased by my inability to protect his work but at least I could still breathe out of one nostril…until Max. The break I had sustained all those years ago was fixed by one quick dog head to the face.

Max isn’t as innocent as he looks

I love my little Max but I don’t want my nose broken again because I like airflow through both nostrils so I’m very careful around him now.

It’s harder to cuddle with the helmet

It was a lucky day when we adopted Max and luckier still when he performed a septoplasty on me without an anesthetic.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

A Shot In The Dark

The New Millennium?

During my career, one of my responsibilities included recruiting and hiring new employees. I’ll never forget the candidate who urinated in the alley outside the building after the interview. It was dumb luck that we saw him and of course he had no idea we were watching. We figured there was something wrong with a person who would want to work for a company they thought didn’t have indoor plumbing so we didn’t hire him.

When I left the corporate world, I thought I would miss the craziness. The following video by Allie Stuckey, “The Conservative Millennial” reconfirmed that I made the right decision to leave. Although this video is a spoof, I wouldn’t be surprised if it actually happened.

Well done, Allie!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

The Creature from the Black Lagoon

Nothing’s more unappetizing than discovering The Creature from the Black Legume climbing out of your lunch