True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Hole-istic Approach

Have you ever had a problem with pest control? I have.

Several years ago, we called a pest control expert to remove wasps that were building a hive in our crawl space. We heard noise through the floor and knew there was a problem. Apparently it only took a few days for the wasps to build a hive that was about three feet square. Creepy! Ever since that experience, we’ve had the outside of our house sprayed annually as a preventive measure.

Most people would agree that it’s not atypical to have unwanted pests in your house from time to time. What is odd, however, is to have a sinkhole.

A few weeks ago, a woman in Guatemala City heard an explosion and rushed outside to see what happened. Much to her surprise the noise came from inside her house. She found a sinkhole under her bed – three feet wide and 40 feet deep (picture below). As far as I know, this is the first one to appear inside someone’s home.

When a sinkhole is the cause of a huge gaping hole, it's normal for tiles to break in a perfectly round pattern (Photo from TheAsiaSun)

Supposedly sinkholes are natural depressions in the earth caused by rain. They can range in size from a few feet to hundreds of acres wide and can go as deep as 100 feet. Thank goodness the sinkhole in Guatemala City was small.

I must say that when pests invade the home, it becomes personal. The same holds true for sinkholes.

Taking this as a unique opportunity and largely untapped market, I’ve come up with a business venture to detect and treat unwanted sinkholes.

I call this new company Business Licensed SinkHole Tomography (BLSHT™) and it is based on a proprietary patent-pending sinkhole detector device.

For a reasonable fee BLSHT™ will scan your home to determine the likelihood of the sudden appearance of sinkholes. Rates are based on the size of the area that needs to be scanned.

BLSHT™ recommends that you sign up for monthly scans as sinkholes can appear even if they were not previously detected. A discount will be offered to the first 50 customers who sign up for the monthly plan.

If BLSHT™ detects a high probability of sinkholes appearing, you will be notified in writing.  At this time there is no known way of stopping sinkholes but you will receive a discount on treatment if one actually surfaces.

If you prefer not to be proactive, BLSHT™ will still plug your unwanted sinkholes, but the discount only applies to BLSHT™ detection customers who subscribe to the monthly plan.

If you are interested in subscribing to the BLSHT™ detection service, please let me know as soon as possible. BLSHT™ is the only operational sinkhole company at this time and space is limited.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF and Psy-ficologist,

Pam

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Comments on: "Hole-istic Approach" (4)

  1. Is there any evidence that wasps cause sinkholes? If so you might be able to forge a very profitable joint venture with Terminix (NYSE symbol “BLSHTTX”). 🙂

  2. I can neither confirm nor deny that wasps cause sinkholes. To do so could give competitors an advantage. I can however, provide assurance that I have the only BLSHT™ detector (patent pending) available today.

  3. Pam ! Clever clever! I love this one! Is that sink hole picture really true?!!!
    wlh-d

  4. Thank you! No BLSHT – the sinkhole picture is real!!

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