Chicago’s O’hare Airport recently announced their new Sweet Beginnings program in which 33 beehives are housed on airport property. This is the first conservation program of its kind in the U.S. but apiaries, as they’re called, have been housed at German airports for the past ten years. The award-winning program is considered “green” and provides jobs for ex-offenders (don’t swear in the terminal?) and the products (i.e., honey and natural honey-based personal care products) are sold in the airport.
Normally I would applaud a program like Sweet Beginnings, but when I heard of it, all I could think of were Apocalyptic Endings. I fear the program could have a potentially catastrophic effect on our environment, ending life as we know it. This may be exactly what the Mayans saw when they predicted the end of the world on December 21, 2012.
I know that programs like this have been around for a while, but this is the first time it has been tried at O’Hare (or O’Hara as my dad likes to say). Chicago is unique – there’s no doubt about it. Even though it’s called the windy city because of politicians, there’s a lot of actual wind, too. Which leads to my concerns.
Picture this. The bees gently pollinate the flowers planted on O’Hare field. Day in and day out they go to their hives and make honey. Workers collect the honey that is then packaged and sold at O’Hare. Travelers purchase and deliver it to their family and friends all over the world. Sounds idyllic – Sweet Beginnings.
Now let’s turn to what happens next. Over time the wind blows jet fuel fumes (and maybe even de-icing spray) in the direction of the bees. Unbeknownst to all, the bees start to mutate which in turn causes the honey to mutate.
At first, people get sick but no one connects it to the honey. Then people start to mutate – all over the world. The only thread they have in common is O’Hare, more specifically O’Hare’s Sweet Beginnings Honey products.
By the time the CDC figures out what’s going on, it’s too late. The damage is done. Just before the stroke of midnight on December 20, 2012 the last purely genetic homo sapien takes his last breath marking the beginning of the next stage in the evolutionary process.
This is why I’m not a fan of the program.
May the farce be with you!
Your IFF and Psy-ficologist,
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