Special Halloween Post – Provided As A Public Service
Last week I sat down with world renowned ethologist, zoologist, anthropologist, psychologist, political activist and lobbyist, Dr. Cymone Koh. She claims to have lived with zombies for most of her adult life and is a self-proclaimed zombie-whisperer.
Following are excerpts from my interview with Dr. Koh.
Pam: Dr. Koh, thank you for joining me today.
Cy: Please call me Cy, Dr. Koh is so formal.
Pam: All right, thank you Cy. [To the audience] Today I’m joined by Dr. Cy Koh who is best described as the Jane Goodall of zombies. Cy, tell us about yourself.
Cy: I’ve lived with zombies for nearly 35 years – the best years of my life, I might add. I’m very passionate about their rights and have spent considerable time and resources lobbying on their behalf.
Pam: How did you become interested in them?
Cy: My mother was raised by zombies and that’s really the basis of my interest in them. They are kind of like family to me.
Pam: Wow, that’s quite a legacy. Tell me, what are some of the most interesting things you’ve learned?
Cy: Zombies are much more complex than they first appear. Most people don’t know that zombies can use tools – a skill that has been thought to be unique to the living. I’ve seen them gather brains and guts using a spatula and shovel. They also use language. Throughout the years I’ve discovered patterns associated with their grunts and moans, once thought to be random. As you would expect, they are not very emotional creatures but they do establish relationships with one another.
Pam: It’s amazing that you lived safely among them for so many years. Aren’t they dangerous?
Cy: If provoked, they certainly can be. However, I was never afraid because they thought that I was a zombie, too. Although they are pack animals, their hunting behavior is not coordinated. They don’t plan or strategize attacks. Remember, their brains are quite dead so their intelligence is limited.
Pam: For some reason zombies are more prevalent around Halloween and people are often more fearful than at other times of the year. What tips can you provide in the event of a zombie attack?
Cy: Surprisingly, information garnered by the media is fairly accurate when it comes to zombie aggression. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I’ve chosen to use this video to answer your question.
Video from Nightmare on Chicago Street, Elgin, Illinois
Pam: Dr. Cy Koh, thanks for a most informative interview. Our readers can rest easy knowing they are well prepared for an unlikely zombie attack.
Happy Halloween and may the farce be with you.
Your IFF and Psy-Ficologist,