A year ago, 5,000 red-winged blackbirds died and fell from the sky in Arkansas. This year hundreds more experienced the same fate. The explanation was that they died from DBC (Death By Concussion) – fireworks killed them.
In Utah, thousands of eared grebes (aquatic, duck-like birds) crash-landed onto highways and parking lots. Officials speculated snow and artificial lights confused the birds – DLC (Dark Light Confusion). (Snow and lights were new to the area?)
In Norway, 20 tons of dead herring were found on a beach, driven ashore by predators or a storm due to CBC (Congregated Beaching Compulsion). The weird thing (as if this wasn’t weird already) is that before the fish could be cleaned up, they disappeared.
Individually, these unusual situations are hard to explain but when added to the next story the puzzle becomes clear.
Researchers at San Francisco State University discovered flies using bees’ bodies as homes for their developing larvae. After being infected, the bees display zombie-like behavior, leave the hive at night and die. The flies attack worker bees which disrupts and endangers the future of the hive. This is called CCD – Colony Collapse Disorder. (This is similar to Zombie Ants that kill themselves at high noon in the Thailand rain forest.)
Just like the bees, the birds and fish were probably infected by zombie parasites. That would certainly explain how dead fish could swim away.
When I made this connection between CCD, DBC, DLC and CBC all these crazy thoughts raced through my mind. The CDC would have to get involved immediately. They would need to collect samples, view them in HD on their LCD so they could determine the cause of the problem referencing the ICD (International Classification of Diseases). The thought of such bizarre events bothered me so much that I started to feel very anxious fixating on the possibility that the world was ending and I had to do something. Once I realized I was displaying signs of OCD, I chilled and went to McD’s for a Sweet Tea. I’m fine now.
May the farce be with you!
Your IFF and Psy-Ficologist,