True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Stephen and I recently drove to a suburb we hadn’t visited before. After a few hours of sightseeing, we needed to use the bathroom but couldn’t find one. Our solution was to eat lunch and use the restaurant’s facilities.

We found a place and when we got inside, there was a long buffet counter filled with pizza on one side, high tables on the other (like a bar) and a crowd in between. It appeared as though the bar had been reserved for a private party so we went to the other end of the building looking for a hostess to seat us in main dining. When no one was there we realized the entire place had been reserved.

I looked at Stephen, pointed to the nearest door and mouthed “we need to leave”. It was locked, which meant we had to walk back through the crowd to get out.

As we turned around, we saw a restroom sign. We entered a hallway with two doors – one for each of us. The Ladies Room had three stalls, two of which were occupied. I entered the empty stall and by the time I was finished, the other women were at the sink talking – comparing notes of how they each knew Mary. Since I didn’t know Mary, I hid and waited for them to leave. Their conversation lasted so long I thought they might be waiting for me to join them. But I didn’t, I kept hiding.

In the meantime, Stephen checked to see if I was waiting for him in the restaurant. He went into the crowd and looked around. There was a slide show of pictures set up in the corner so he nonchalantly watched the display with a guy who never said a word (he was probably party-crashing, too). Another man walked by, nodded, and Stephen nodded in return. He mentioned the food and Stephen agreed that it looked good.

When I finally made my appearance, I asked Stephen to stay close and not to make eye contact with anyone. We escaped without incident, were glad we used the bathroom but wished we’d grabbed some pizza on the way out. Although it was a fun adventure, we didn’t have much to show for it.

Here’s my advice. If you ever crash a party, try to walk away with more than an empty bladder. And if you’re hosting a private party, put up a sign!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


This Fool’s Russian


Comments on: "Fools Rush In (and hide in the bathroom)" (2)

  1. Your party sounded really great! I suppose your wild Russian would not have had to any eyecontact to get attention…………….. you can always have a party of your own and have the loot you got for door prizes at yours!!!!!!
    Great story!

  2. We would have been the life of the party if Stephen had worn his Russian gear and brought his samovars. Next time!

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