I don’t condone a life of crime, but if you’re going to break the law, I suggest you follow a few simple rules.
Tip #1: Don’t leave your name and address at the scene of the crime
An Ohio woman dubbed the Cleaning Fairy was arrested for breaking into and cleaning a stranger’s home. Even though she didn’t take anything, she was charged with one count of felony burglary. You know how she got caught? She left a bill for services rendered with her name and address. If crime pays, it doesn’t matter because you’re going to be arrested.
Tip #2: Don’t leave your Facebook account open after committing robbery
A Columbian man robbed an Internet cafe after using a computer to log into Facebook. He left his account open making it easy for the police to find him. He probably talked about the robbery in his updates, too.
Tip #3: Don’t leave a trail back to your house
An Ohio man was charged with vandalism after Taco Bell forgot to give him a 99-cent taco. After going through the drive-thru a second time to complete his order, he drove into the restaurant. The police found him at home by following a trail of fluids leaking from his truck resulting from the crash. That taco must have been really tasty.
Tip #4: Don’t fall asleep on the job
An Idaho man was arrested when he was caught sleeping inside a vehicle he was planning to steal. He was attempting to remove the car’s stereo when he fell asleep. He must have been listening to Lite FM.
Tip #5: Don’t get stuck at the scene of the crime
An Illinois man was arrested for bank robbery after trying to escape through an air duct in an office next to the bank. He got stuck for several hours and had to be cut out. I’ve heard that belly fat is the worst, I guess he found that out first hand.
Tip #6: Don’t use a car with a vanity plate to commit your crime
A Pennsylvania woman was arrested after she struck a man and his son with her car and then fled the scene. A witness reported the car had a vanity license plate that read “Zombie” so the police were easily able to track her down. Shockingly, she was not undead supporting the CDC’s position that zombies don’t exist.
My last bit of advice – if you’re going to do something illegal (1) Don’t leave a trail that leads back to you and (2) Don’t stay at the scene. In other words, don’t be stupid.
If you’re a smart criminal your story won’t be in the news so help your challenged cohorts. Post a comment with your contact information, crime and what you did that was smart.
May the farce be with you!