True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Bedtime Story

One thing I love about summer is the convergence of out of town visitors. This year we had a culinary party with one guest that didn’t turn out so well for me. During my friend Vivian’s visit, we decided to stay home and eat junk food. Take a look at what we ate in one evening.


I have a weakness for chips and rarely have them in the house. As you can see from the picture, chips were included in the mix. The temptation was too much and I snacked for four straight hours.

I felt fine when I went to bed but during the night I developed a terrible stomach ache. The pain was so bad that I knew I was going to die. I thought about poor Stephen finding my lifeless body in the morning and felt truly grateful that Vivian would be there to help him through it.

Knowing the bladder empties when people die, it seemed shameful to make Stephen buy a new bed upon my death so I decided to lay on top of the covers. An added bonus – the comforter is machine washable.

It only took a short while before I got cold and decided that my last few moments should be spent in comfort so I got under the covers again. I felt bad that Stephen would have to get a new bed but rationalized that he could get by with simply replacing the mattress because the box spring should be fine.

Before I lost consciousness I thought how most people want to die peacefully in their sleep and how lucky I was to “go” this way – in spite of discomfort from my stomach ache.

As you can probably guess, I didn’t die – I woke up the next morning (still with a stomach ache) without soiling the bed (whew!). To emphasize my vulnerability to chips, I continued to eat them in spite of my near death experience.

This taught me a valuable lesson. If I plan to die in my sleep, I’m going to place heavy towels under my lower body to protect the bed while allowing me to stay comfortably warm. Yeah, that’s about the only thing I learned. Oh – and don’t keep chips in the house.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



Comments on: "Bedtime Story" (4)

  1. Hurry ! Find Vivian! She maybe died and is around the house some place!
    What a great dinner host you are!

  2. This is about the best I can do in the kitchen so I’m glad her tastes were simple. Luckily she didn’t suffer the same ill effects as me.

  3. After weeks of eating relatively sensibly and “healthy” means the opportunity to binge on snack is too much for the body…..can’t stop! Pass the chips! More chips! ( we never learn…)
    Funny post

  4. You’re right – we never learn because the chips taste so good! Glad I’m not the only one who does this.

I love it when you comment - it makes my day!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: