True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Toy Stories

Christmas is right around the corner. If you observe the holiday and have hard-to-buy-for children in your life, this blog’s for you. Following are five gifts I found for the child who has everything. I’m not saying you’ll want to buy them, but odds are they would be unique additions to any child’s collection.

1. God Almighty, complete with an assault rifle

This toy is sold by the Jesus Christ Superstore. Does anyone else wonder why God needs an AK-47?

God Almighty Toy (Photo from

2. Stripper Pole

If you can get your hands on one of these, it’ll be a collector’s item. Shortly after being produced, it was pulled from the shelves. Apparently, some people thought it was inappropriate for pre-teen girls to wear a garter and dance on a pole for play money. From an objective standpoint, the company’s marketing campaign might have been a little over the top: “Unleash the sex kitten inside…simply extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube, slip on the sexy tunes and away you go!”

Child’s Stripper Pole (Photo from

3. Scan-it Security Checkpoint X-Ray

This would certainly be a dream gift for any girl or boy aspiring to work in airport security. Beware, once they have this, they’re going to want one of those full body scanners.

TSA Toy (Photo from

4. Barbie and Tanner The (Pooping) Dog

I don’t know what Mattel was thinking when they produced Barbie and Tanner, a dog with the bad habit of eating his own poop. Good luck finding this toy – it was recalled when the pooper scooper was identified as a choking hazard.

Barbie and Tanner (Photo from

Before highlighting the final toy, I’m compelled to give one more shout-out to Mattel. A few years ago they produced a Ken doll that came with a White West Highland Terrier named Sugar. This model was called “Sugar Daddy Ken”. I have to admit, someone at Mattel has a terrific sense of humor.

Sugar Daddy Ken (Photo from

Here’s one more bonus from Mattel – Midge, the pregnant Barbie. Sorry to pick on you, Mattel, but you make it so easy.

Pregnant Barbie (Photo from

5. Breastfeeding Doll

To me, this is the weirdest toy of all. The doll comes with a special top for the child to wear that has flowers in place of nipples. The doll suckles when it’s placed on the flower. The product’s tagline is: “Because you shouldn’t have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby.” How about waiting to have a baby until long after you have breasts?

Breast Feeding Doll (Photo from

Remember, I didn’t say you’d want to buy any of these products.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



Comments on: "Toy Stories" (4)

  1. Ken Hansen said:

    I had no idea people had stranger ideas than I do, learn something every day.

  2. I’ve seen everything now! What’s next?

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