True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Buying A New Bed

Buying a new bed is awkward. It’s also a huge expense and a big commitment. A bed is designed to last years and you spend more than a third of your life in it. If it isn’t comfortable, you’ll experience aches and pains, difficulty walking, and an unpleasant disposition.

I know because I’ve been sleeping in an uncomfortable bed for two years and just went through the unnatural experience of testing new beds in a public setting.

Anytime we’ve ever shopped for furniture or a car, Stephen falls in love with whatever he’s sitting on or in. When it came to bed shopping, we reversed roles. Every time I laid down, it felt good.

Between my inability to distinguish a good bed from a bad coupled with my discomfort in laying down in public, I made Stephen take the role of Goldilocks. He tried beds first directing me to the ones that felt just right. Even then, they all kind of felt the same.

It’s hard to tell in a few minutes what something’s going to feel like for 8 hours, so I was surprised that they asked us to leave when we brought sheets and started making the bed right before closing time. They reminded us that if our first choice didn’t work out we could pay a modest fee to exchange it for a new bed that we would be stuck with for the next 10 years. No pressure.

After much duress we eventually we selected a bed. This was in spite of all those people who laughed and photographed us while we were trying to sleep… Stephen in that stupid bunny suit.

Stephen took bed shopping seriously... which caused everyone else to NOT be serious

Stephen took bed shopping seriously… which caused everyone else to NOT be serious

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



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