I’ve been flat on my back sick for the past three weeks.
Deciding that I wouldn’t get better on my own, I went to the doctor. When looking in my ear, she said “Huh, I’ve never seen this before. I have no idea what it is.” She then brought in another doctor who said the same thing, conjuring horrible images of those brain biting bugs from Star Trek trying to eat their way out of my head through my ear.
A specialist was clearly in order – I had to get this bug out of my head.
When the Ear Nose and Throat doctor walked into the room, he offered the standard greeting “How are you today?”. Because the neural parasite had eaten away at my defenses, I couldn’t respond in kind, so I confessed “I’d rather not be here”. When he said he felt the same way, I knew we would get along just fine. After checking me over, I held my breath waiting for the baneful brain barnacle disease diagnosis – timidly asking if he found anything weird in my ear. He laughed and said there was fluid pressing against my tympanic membrane – nothing more. Whew!
He offered new medications but expressed concern that one might interact with another drug I was taking. As he checked for potential problems, I said “You mean like a deadly interaction? Because if you kill me that will definitely stop the sinus infection.” Happy to still be alive, there’s only six more weeks to go before my ear is healed and my hearing returns!
Until then, I will continue to lay around the house like a slug.
May the farce be with you!