True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Five Alarm Alarm

Most products have warning labels, many of which are stupid. But once in a while, manufacturers get it right. Before I delve into the warning label I found particularly meaningful, let’s go through a few that aren’t; starting with one we all know.

For years, I resented the threatening tag attached to my pillows, mocking me at every turn. I never understood why it was illegal to remove the tag, wondering if I tore it from its mooring I would be immediately incarcerated. Would my imprisonment mirror Martha Stewart’s or be a place like San Quentin? When I finally summoned the courage to rip it off, the feeling was invigorating. To date, I’ve not been charged with a crime.

Of course, this isn’t the only crazy warning label out there. Following are a few others I found astounding, although I have to admit some offer good advice.

Does this imply you can put creatures that aren’t people in the machine?

How do they know? Did they test it?

I sleep when I dry my hair all the time.

I concede – it’s good advice to wash clothes inside out.

Oh come on – I couldn’t even get this in my mouth.

This brings me to the masterpiece of warning labels found in my own home.

The other morning, a fire alarm started beeping, transitioning to a constant blare. The siren was piercing. Amy (parrot) started screaming and my dogs ran anxiously through the house until they found the perfect hiding place. Fortunately, there was no actual fire. Struggling through the blast, I extracted the battery and unplugged the offending tocsin.

As shown in the photo, the warning clearly states “continuous horn indicates alarm”. Good job Firex – I was definitely alarmed and so were my pets. Your warning was spot-on.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

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