True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Swearwolf

Unlike his cousin the Werewolf, the Swearwolf’s transformation isn’t dictated by the lunar cycle.

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Clear Misunderstanding

Last week I took Max to the vet for a routine vaccination. Before we went in, he looked like this.

Max doesn’t know that he’s going to the vet although he looks suspicious.

When he came out, I thought he would look like this.

Hot dog at the Bordello

Or this.

Top dog at the bordello

It’s with mixed feelings that I report Max is neither a gigolo nor a pimp.

Apparently, Max was not vaccinated for Bordello but rather Bordetella. I think it’s clear why I misunderstood.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Unicorny

Castles and Unicorns will never be the same

The Back-up Plan

Years ago, Stephen was backing up the car and ran over my foot. It was a small car and only crushed my toes, so thankfully I was okay. He claimed it was an accident.

The other day, I went outside as Stephen left for work. As he was backing out of the garage, I stood to the side of the car near the house. He backed out slowly and when he finally saw me, he rolled his window down and said:

“I was looking for you. The back-up alarm wasn’t beeping and I didn’t feel a thump, so I was pretty sure I didn’t run over you.”

This is a simulation – do not try this at home

At the time, I thought he was relieved. But then I remembered the first incident. When I learned he’d become a body guard for the Kingsman – a dangerous and violent profession, I began to wonder if it truly was an accident. What do you think?

Stephen serves as a body guard for the Kingsman during his spare time

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

Black Cats

The other cats are not impressed

A Horse With No Mane

(To be sung to the tune of “A Horse With No Name”)

On the first day of October

I was taken outside the box

I was assembled in the front yard

Over a skeleton horse

The first thing I met was a big hairy dog

And he lifted up his leg

The pee was hot and the ground was dry

And the air smelled just like egg

I’m stuck in the front yard on a horse with no mane

It felt good to be out in the rain

In the front yard you can’t remember your name

‘Cause you just feel like you are going insane

La, la…

After two days in the front yard sun

My bones began to turn red

After three days in the front yard fun

I was looking at a river bed

And the story it told of the urine that flowed

Made me scared to think far ahead

You see I’m stuck in the front yard on a horse with no mane

It felt good to be out in the rain

In the front yard you can’t remember your name

‘Cause you just feel like you are going insane

La, la…

After All Hallowed’s Eve I’ll let the horse run free

‘Cause the front yard won’t be Halloween

There’ll be lights and sleighs and deer and things

There’ll be Santa Claus and kings

The front yard is a desert with a life you can’t see

And a perfect disguise above

Deep under the snow lies a river of pee

That dogs don’t want to get rid of

You see I’m stuck in the front yard on a horse with no mane

It felt good to be out in the rain

In the front yard you can’t remember your name

‘Cause you just feel like you are going insane

La, la… (to fade)

A horse with no mane

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

P.S. Here’s the original song. Mine makes more sense!

Panda Express

The Panda on the right: “Hi, I’m the real one.”

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