True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Sailing The High Seas

Sailing the Hi-Cs

Mary and June had been friends for more than 50 years. Living in a small town their entire lives, they knew everyone in the community.

One day while lunching at the local diner, they were overheard having the following conversation.

Mary – Did you hear about Jim?

June – No – what about him?

Mary – He bought the farm.

June – Oh, my – how horrible! I had no idea.

Mary – Don’t worry – he was ecstatic. He had wanted to buy that farm for as long as I’ve known him.

June – I’m so relieved. I thought you meant something else.

Mary – You know that Jim – he’s so thorough. He was walking through the fields to gauge whether he could grow any crops and he bit the dust.

June – I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible news!

Mary – Not really. Once he tasted the soil, he thought it would be perfect for growing beans.

June – Oh, I misunderstood. Just glad he’s okay.

Mary – I’m not done yet – there’s a lot more to the story. As he was walking through the barn, he kicked the bucket.

June – Was there any damage?

Mary – Well, he’s dead. I’d say that’s damage!

=============

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Hey Boobs

I recently enjoyed the company of my dear friend and sister, Linda. During her trip to visit me, we went to Tina’s Closet to buy new bras. This song, is for Linda and Tina – to be sung to the tune of Hey Jude.

Hey Boobs, you look so bad

Get a new bra to make it better

The sagging and drooping hap’ning today

Will be uplifted so you look better

Hey Boobs, don’t be afraid

Bra shopping cannot be made easier

Tina measures your size then she fetches

Only bras that fit so you look better

And anytime you feel some pain

Tina refrains

And offers a different fitting brassier

For well you know that it’s a fool

Whose boobs aren’t cool

Which makes your body hurt and look older

Bra-bra-bra, bra, bra

Bra-bra-bra, bra

New bra, won’t let me down

I have found you, you lift me higher

Remember you sit right next to my heart

Now you can start to make me better

So I breathe out and I breathe in

Hey bra, begin

My clothes look and fit the way they’re s’posed to

And don’t I know my look’s from you

Hey bra, you’ll do

When I am fitted by Tina’s Closet

Bra-bra-bra, bra, bra

Bra-bra-bra, bra, yeah

Hey Boobs, you look so grand

Got a new bra now I look better

I’m lifted, the fit and look are so great

The movement I need rests right on my shoulder

My bra is better better better better, ah!

Bra-bra-bra, bra, bra-bra-bra, bra, hey bra

Bra-bra-bra, bra, yeah bra

Bra-bra-bra, bra, bra-bra-bra, bra, hey bra

Bra-bra-bra, bra, yeah bra

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Goat Check

Barney hated being left at Goat Check. He was always afraid his mom would forget to get her goat.

The Toilet Solution

While on the phone with a friend, Stephen walked an elderly man whom I had never met into our house so he could use the bathroom. I gave Stephen a WTF kind of look to which he shrugged his shoulders, raised his eyebrows and grimaced. The stranger was in there for a while and I could only imagine what kind of mess would be left behind.

Once I was off the phone and the bathroom was empty, I learned that the man was walking through the neighborhood with his adult son and was suddenly struck with an emergency. Seeing Stephen in the front yard, his son pleaded to let his father use the lavatory. I’m sure it was humiliating for his dad but the alternative would have been worse. The son waited on our stoop until his father finished and they continued on their way.

As the weather has gotten warmer, more people are out walking. I would prefer not to open my bathroom to strangers and discovered that nicer neighborhoods are more prepared for that unplanned but necessary stop.

Only in the best neighborhoods

I suspect more upscale subdivisions also have a hand washing station. Regrettably, a Pit Stop hasn’t shown up in our area yet.

Should you find yourself in the position of our stranger, I hope you’re lucky enough to be in a better neighborhood than mine.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Playboy Bunny

Not a centerfold, but still alluring

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