True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Tolerance

The world needs more taller ants

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The Toad and the Prince

The other morning Stephen came running upstairs to tell me he found a toad and needed me to take pictures. I followed him downstairs to this.

Our visitor

His body was about the size of a lemon – a small but hearty creature. Outside, before his capture, the dogs walked past him oblivious to his presence. For the few minutes he was in our custody, we admired his coloring and felt his little body, careful not to hurt him.

Such a handsome fellow

Before returning the toad to his natural habitat, Stephen suggested that I kiss him to see if he would turn into a prince. I told him I already had a prince – he brought me a toad. It was a great start to our morning.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

He looks like a prince to me

 

Prince Charming

Please don’t squeeze Prince Charmin

I yell at other drivers. I’ve been that way for so long, Stephen has gotten used to it (he usually drives when we’re together). The phrase I use most often is “Move it *sshole!” Stephen used to be startled by my outcries and at the beginning, he thought I was yelling at him. For the most part, those days are long gone as evidenced by our recent conversation.

Pam [with great enthusiasm]: Move it *sshole!

Stephen [very calmly]: I can see it. One day there’s going to be a four way crash at an intersection and it’s going to be your fault. All the drivers will hear you and think you’re yelling at them. The police will show up and you’ll be arrested. It will be terrible.

Pam: If that happens, when the cop comes to our car, I’ll tell him I was talking to you. He’ll shake his head, pat you on the shoulder and give you a card with the number of a helpline. I’ll get off scott free.

More driving followed by silence….

Pam: Move it *sshole!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

That’s my kind of kid!

 

Soy and Estrogen

Proof that ingesting soy does not increase estrogen levels

Mistaken Identistry

I’m terrified of the dentist so I was aghast to find during my last cleaning that I had to have a cavity filled. When I arrived for my appointment, the office was undergoing construction, causing an elevated noise level in the waiting room.

After a few minutes, an assistant came out and called a name. I stood up and, over the noise, asked if she said “Pam”. She nodded so I followed her. As I started to settle into the torture chair, the assistant said that I wasn’t due for full x-rays for a year. I agreed and then reminded her that I needed gas. She looked confused and repeated “you need nitrous?”. I emphatically said yes to which she replied “for a cleaning?”. That’s when I knew something wasn’t right – my last cleaning was two days earlier.

A moment later, my dentist walked by, did a double-take, and exclaimed – “hey, what are you doing with my patient?”.  I started laughing and rose from the chair. The assistant, still confused, looked at me and said “Mary?”.

We walked back to the waiting room and when the next assistant came out, I made sure she was looking for me. I didn’t want to experience another instance of mistaken identistry.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

I must love myself a lot because I’m always laughing at me

No need for detailed assembly instructions when the removal instructions are so clear

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