True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

I recently spent a week with Vivian, my friend of more than 30 years. Earlier this year she moved into a new house, so I went to help her with some of the finishing touches. I also went to meet her two new cats. I had already met the other three.

Vivian’s beautiful home has a finished, walk-out basement that she doesn’t use, so I had an entire floor to myself. Well, almost. I woke up to this every morning.

Honor and Handsome

Additionally, I had to share my bathroom.

Hilly

Vivian thought of everything, including my private media center.

This was all mine!

However, I never used it because it seemed too difficult, what with three times as many remotes as devices.

Six remotes for a TV and a DVD player (which wasn’t plugged in).

One of the projects we worked on was assembling a lamp. Everything had to be put together, including the shade – otherwise how would it all fit in its tiny box?

The entire lamp was packed into this little box

Although most of our focus was on the house, Vivian’s car required a little work, too. A greasy cable was dangling from her door frame so she fixed it with duct tape.

Duct tape saved Vivian’s hair from a greasy cable

At the end of every busy day, we made time to enjoy the finer things in life.

Hilly forced us to relax

I was reminded during my visit how amazing it is that Vivian and I started out as friends and over time became family.

We’re like the mafia – in for life

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

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Failure To Communicate

Whaaaat????

Whaaaat????

On August 31, 2017, we brought home the newest member of our family – Audrey, an Italian Greyhound. The breeder had a webcam and posted frequent pictures on Facebook as Audrey and her litter mates grew. We had never seen a puppy grow and it was awesome. In honor of Audrey’s first birthday (May 19), here are a few pictures of her then and now.

 

Special thanks to Dennis Goethe for capturing photos of Audrey as a tiny baby, allowing me to use the pictures and for Audrey, herself.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

Saturday is Audrey’s first birthday and the day the royal couple get married. So nice of Harry and Meghan to celebrate Audrey’s birthday in such a special way.

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’ve written a song to be sung to the tune of “Like A River” by Bishop Briggs. The original video is at the end of this post in case you want to sing along using my words.

Like A Mother

Like a mother, like a mother, sh-

Like a mother, like a mother, sh-

Like a mother, like a mother

If it’s not one thing then surely it’s your mother

 

Who gets under your skin

Harder than a bullet could hit ya?

Who makes you feel that guilt

Faster than a hairpin trigger?

 

Don’t you say, don’t you say it

Don’t say, don’t you say it

One breath, she’ll just break it

So shut your mouth or she’ll wash it out with lather

 

She raised you right, baby now you should give her

All your love because she delivered

She’s your mother, she’s your mother

It’s Mother’s Day so treat her like no other

 

Give her love till her veins start to shiver

One big hug till the tears start to wither

She’s your mother, she’s your mother

Shut your mouth or she’ll wash it out with lather

 

Tales of her sacrifice

Curses for the fools around her

Can’t change the way we are

Even if we would prefer

 

Don’t you say, don’t you say it

Don’t say, don’t you say it

One breath she’ll just break it

So shut your mouth or she’ll wash it out with lather

 

Shut your mouth, for you might deliver

Offspring who will grow to be sinners

You’re their mother, you’re their mother

They don’t shut their mouth you’ll wash it out with lather

 

They’ll give you love till your veins start to shiver

One big hug till your tears start to wither

You’re their mother, you’re their mother

If they don’t shut their mouth you’ll wash it out with lather

 

Like a mother, like a mother, sh-

Like a mother, like a mother, sh-

Like a mother, like a mother

If it’s not one thing then surely it’s your mother

 

Hey, oh oh oh

Hey, oh oh oh

Hey, oh oh oh

Oh oh oh

Like a mother

 

You raised them right, they should now be the giver

Of all their love because you delivered

You’re their mother, you’re their mother

It’s Mother’s Day so they should treat you like no other

Choke their love till their veins start to shiver

One last breath till their tears start to wither

Like a mother, like a mother

Shut their mouths and love them like a mother.

Mother’s Day 2018

My mom taught me well. Happy Mother’s Day!

Card from nobleworkcards

Last week we got new carpeting. Our old carpet had pile that was 1/4 inch where it wasn’t matted down versus the new carpet with one inch pile. There’s a big difference between the pads, too. 

After a week of living in chaotic luxury, I’ve learned a few unexpected things.

  1. A thick pile doesn’t provide a stable walking surface. We’ve lost count of the number of times Stephen’s twisted his ankle. 
  2. Our main floor has hard wood. With the super thick carpeting on the stairs, that bottom step is a killer. We may have to buy a plush, cushy rug to put at the bottom of the stairs to shorten the drop of the last step.
  3. Speaking of stairs, to prevent uneven wear, we’ve set up a rotation schedule for transversing the steps. We alternate between each outside edge and the center.
  4. The problem with worn paths is not restricted to the stairs, so when we reach the carpeted floor, we walk like drunken pirates to prevent uneven wear. We even go out of our way to our intended destination. Lucky for us we have a parrot to make our gait more authentic. I recommend foregoing the sword, though – it can destroy carpet.
  5. Because the new carpet sits up higher than the old, the ceiling seems lower making the rooms feel smaller.
  6. The bathrooms are significantly lower than the carpeted areas – giving the impression of a sunken bathroom. After falling into the bathroom and tripping on the way out for five days in a row, the danger has finally passed.

Although adjusting to new carpeting can be challenging, the thrill of walking on a plush rug, the smell of new carpet in the air and the look of unmatted fibers is thrilling.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

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