True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘Audrey’

Rear View Mirror

Rears are closer than they appear

Easter Santa

Last Halloween, I saw the most terrifying Halloween decoration – a house displaying Santa hiding in the bushes as ghosts float in the background.

Terrifying Halloween decoration

When I mentioned it to one of my friends, she told me that Santa stays in those bushes all year round. Sure enough, she was right. Here’s what he looks like now.

Easter Santa

I was shocked to learn that anyone could think desecrating Santa Claus is funny. That’s some twisted sense of humor. I have a healthy funny bone, but I never do anything weird. Take these few shots for example.

Ceiling ducks dress for every holiday, just like ceiling ducks should

Although not thrilled with the arrangement, Max understands the importance of wearing bunny ears at this time of year

Possessing a healthy fashion sense, Audrey loves dressing up for holidays

No house is complete without a mannequin and her dog outfitted for Easter

In addition to decorating, we also engage in traditional activities such as coloring Easter eggs. The only difference is that in our case, the eggs are from our tiny zebra finches. Here they are displayed in a tablespoon for scale.

Zebra Finch Easter eggs

The distinction couldn’t be any clearer, people who put bunny ears on Santa are strange. Me? I’m perfectly normal.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Chew On This

Audrey, our youngest Italian Greyhound (IG), loves to chew. In addition to toys, anything is fair game: her dog tags, Max’s collar (her brother), wires, walls, windows, and anything else she can find.

Audrey chewing on the window

An elegant breed, Audrey can make IGs look goofy.

IGs are dignified

Because of Audrey’s propensity to gnaw, we raise our wooden vertical blinds out of reach and position the pulls where she can’t touch them. This is the damage she can do.

A pull before and after Audrey

The other day, Stephen raised the blinds but forgot to tuck away the pulls. I heard Audrey chewing on the knob and reminded Stephen of the need to displace the pulls. Here’s what happened.

Stephen: You know, you could have handled that better.

Pam: What are you talking about?

Stephen: The blind pulls. What you should have done was move the pulls yourself. You should also move them any time I forget in the future. Eventually I’ll notice what you’re doing and I’ll feel guilty. Then I’ll learn my lesson and start doing it myself.

I paused, initially thinking he was serious. Then I realized it didn’t matter whether he was or not and I burst out laughing, thus marking the end of the conversation.

BTW – he took care of the pulls himself.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Neighborhood Watch

Keeping the neigh-BOO-hood safe

Audrey’s First Birthday

On August 31, 2017, we brought home the newest member of our family – Audrey, an Italian Greyhound. The breeder had a webcam and posted frequent pictures on Facebook as Audrey and her litter mates grew. We had never seen a puppy grow and it was awesome. In honor of Audrey’s first birthday (May 19), here are a few pictures of her then and now.


Special thanks to Dennis Goethe for capturing photos of Audrey as a tiny baby, allowing me to use the pictures and for Audrey, herself.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



Happy Birthday and Congrats

Saturday is Audrey’s first birthday and the day the royal couple get married. So nice of Harry and Meghan to celebrate Audrey’s birthday in such a special way.

Stages of the Flu: A Pictorial Review

I learned the hard way that the flu is not a linear illness. I got violently ill, started feeling a little better and then lost steam. At several points, it felt as though life as I knew it was over. About to resign myself to a life of pain and solitude, my body won the battle. Here’s what the flu looks like. Hope you never have to experience it firsthand.

Life is wonderful. You have no idea that you are infecting yourself with the flu by licking the window.

You sleep soundly because life is good.

When you wake up, something isn’t quite right.

Everything hurts. EVERYTHING.

You realize what’s happened and want to hide.

It’s impossible to get comfortable.

Still can’t get comfortable.

Nope, still not comfortable.

Will never be comfortable again… ever.

You finally start to feel better but you’re sooooo tired.

Your energy starts to return but it’s really nice to be carried.

You feel like playing again!

Okay, maybe it’s a little more complicated, but nobody wants to hear about it.

Here’s my definitive advice: Avoid the flu like the plague. Unless, of course, the flu is the plague then simply avoid the plague. I realize through this conversation that my brain may not have returned to it’s natural state (notice I didn’t say normal).

Like I said, I’d never claim to be normal

Stay healthy and may the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



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