True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘Audrey’

Stages of the Flu: A Pictorial Review

I learned the hard way that the flu is not a linear illness. I got violently ill, started feeling a little better and then lost steam. At several points, it felt as though life as I knew it was over. About to resign myself to a life of pain and solitude, my body won the battle. Here’s what the flu looks like. Hope you never have to experience it firsthand.

Life is wonderful. You have no idea that you are infecting yourself with the flu by licking the window.

You sleep soundly because life is good.

When you wake up, something isn’t quite right.

Everything hurts. EVERYTHING.

You realize what’s happened and want to hide.

It’s impossible to get comfortable.

Still can’t get comfortable.

Nope, still not comfortable.

Will never be comfortable again… ever.

You finally start to feel better but you’re sooooo tired.

Your energy starts to return but it’s really nice to be carried.

You feel like playing again!

Okay, maybe it’s a little more complicated, but nobody wants to hear about it.

Here’s my definitive advice: Avoid the flu like the plague. Unless, of course, the flu is the plague then simply avoid the plague. I realize through this conversation that my brain may not have returned to it’s natural state (notice I didn’t say normal).

Like I said, I’d never claim to be normal

Stay healthy and may the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

Advertisements

The Missing Shoe

Yesterday was frustrating. I couldn’t find one of my slippers. I thought my 9 month old puppy, Audrey, had carried it off somewhere but it’s location eluded me.

Shortly after Stephen got home from work, I located the missing shoe. However, the orthotic insert was nowhere to be found. Thwarted once again, I threw my hands in the air and said “I give up.”  Following a detailed search by Stephen, I was still one orthotic short. A few minutes later, Stephen handed me the insert. It so happened that one of his feet had been hurting all day. Audrey routinely steals his shoes and inserts (which he also wears). When he found my insert that morning, he automatically put it in his shoe, not realizing one was already there.

Audrey has mastered her own version of “heel” all by herself. What a smart girl!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Audrey doing her morning yoga while Max pretends she isn’t there.

To Winter

This is what I think of winter

Mulberry Whine

Our first dog was a little Italian Greyhound we named Tony. Italian Greyhounds (IGs) look like big Greyhounds you left in the dryer too long. Although IGs don’t race, they love to run. Fortunately, we had a fenced back yard so Tony could run to his heart’s delight.

One day after running in the yard, I noticed spots on the back of Tony’s legs. We had a Mulberry tree so I thought the spots were stains and tried to wash them off. After nearly rubbing Tony’s skin raw, I realized they weren’t stains at all. They were freckles and freckles don’t wash off.

Freckles on Tony’s legs

Over the years we’ve been owned by a total of six IGs, including Tony. Dogs 2 – 5 were rescues and adopted as adults. This summer, we broke the mold and went to a breeder for a puppy – Audrey. I guess in tribute to Tony, our only other puppy, I made a mistake akin to the freckle debacle.

While examining Audrey, I noticed something in her nose. Thinking it was a bird feather (we have birds in the house), I tried to pick it out of her nostril. Each attempt was unsuccessful. Upon closer examination, I realized that one of her  nostrils was pink. I no longer pick her nose.

Audrey’s pink nostril

Having a puppy is an awesome experience as is adopting an adult dog. Remember these important lessons, some stains don’t come out and pick your noses with care.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Dog Halloween Poem

As dusk arrives on Halloween,

the puppies run, the kiddies scream

with delight.

They’ve never seen

these costumes on the dogs.

Princess,

pirates,

skeleton,

yellow submarine,

quarterbark & cheerleader,

cowboy dressed in jeans.

Buns with a real dog inside,

a skunk that’s safe – no need to hide

A family photo filled with pride,

 

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

 

Audrey Rose

Surrogacy is all the rage in Hollywood. Why ruin your own body when you can ruin someone else’s instead, right? The logic made sense to Stephen and I, so we also went with a surrogate. The only difference is that we didn’t use our own DNA to make the baby. We used her’s.

Mom Ginger and her pups

It was a surprise when Ginger gave birth to one gray and the rest black/white puppies. Our new baby looked like this.

Audrey at 4 days

It was fun watching her change as she grew.

Audrey at 7 days

Audrey at 17 days

Audrey at 25 days

Audrey at 39 days

Audrey at 10 weeks, 4 pounds

When we finally met her, Audrey was up to 6 pounds.

Audrey at 4 months, 6 pounds

She’s been an absolute joy to have around and gets along great with her siblings.

Mia (L), Max & Audrey

This week we started puppy training beginning with an orientation. After only one hour I now sit on command! I can only imagine what Audrey will learn!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

%d bloggers like this: