True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘Cliche’

Don’t Step On My Parade

Whew! So glad it's not raining!

Whew! So glad it’s not raining!

Fractured Cliché #54

Fractured Cliché: Sow your wild goats

Correct Cliché: Sow your wild oats

My skill with fracturing clichés is not limited to speech. Sure, I’ve vocalized more than my fair share of mistakes, but I’ve misunderstood just as many.

Take this week’s example.

A friend was talking about taking an extravagant vacation and said she wanted to sow her wild oats. I thought she had changed the subject and asked why she’d want to sew goats. What did she want to put on them? For that matter, why would she want to sew anything. If she wanted sewn goats so badly, she should just go buy some.

Once she quit laughing, she explained that she said sow your wild oats. I stopped her at that point because I got it.

Sewing goats made perfect sense at the time because it tied in with another cliché: you reap what you sew! (Yes, I know it’s wrong…)

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Sewing wild goats

Sewing wild goats

Fractured Cliché #53

I’m domestically challenged. I’ve admitted this before and although I’m not proud, the fact remains.

Sometimes my friends forget the extent of my, um, disability. They’ll ask me to help with “little” things in the kitchen. With my limitations, nothing is little. The beauty is that I’m always only asked once.

One of my most memorable blunders occurred when I was asked to slice tomatoes. For the average person, this might sound relatively easy. However, for me there’s a lot to consider. A tomato is round with no obvious up or down side. Therefore, when slicing a tomato, it’s not clear where to start.

Well, I sliced the tomato wrong. The person who asked me to complete this task, with full knowledge of my incompetence, couldn’t understand how I could mess up something so simple.

I’ll tell you how. There were no instructions. In the kitchen instructions are rarely detailed enough for me. That’s why I should never be asked to assist with cooking or food preparation of any kind.

Although today’s blunder isn’t technically a cliché, the sentiment still applies.

Fractured Phrase: Beefcake Tomato

Fractured Phrase: Beefsteak Tomato

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Beefcake Tomato

Beefcake Tomato

Fractured Cliché #52

A while back I was talking to a friend who was going through a rough time. I listened to her and offered emotional support.

In my attempt to say something that would make her feel better, I told her that it’s always darkest before the storm (Fractured Cliché).

When she heard me say that, she promptly burst into tears.

I wasn’t sure what I’d said wrong but I fumbled to make it right and restated that it’s always darkest before the calm (Fractured Cliché).

Unfortunately, she continued to cry. The damage had already been done.

Apparently, it’s not only dark before the storm, but it’s also calm before the storm (Correct Cliché).

Later, after we parted ways, I looked up the cliché to see what I should have said: It’s always darkest before the dawn (Correct Cliché).

I wish the correct cliché had dawned on me before I darkened my friend’s door – and mood.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

It actually is dark before a storm. It's dark during a storm, too.

It’s not only dark before a storm. It’s dark during a storm, too.

Fractured Cliché #51

I was surprised when I heard about Pope Francis’ motorcycle; he owned a Harley-Davidson “hog” and auctioned it for charity. The bike was only worth about $16K but a mystery buyer paid $327K.

I think it’s good the Pope got rid of his bike because cruising past the Coliseum on two wheels doesn’t sound very papal-like.

That pointy hat can’t be terribly aerodynamic and his flowing robes could be dangerous if he didn’t hike them up.

And if he went commando, one can only imagine the horrific images that would be forever seared into our brains by the paparazzi.

When I think about the Pope and his “hog”, my fractured cliché just doesn’t seem so fractured any more.

Correct Cliché: Pig in a poke

Fractured Cliché: The pig and the Pope

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

The Pig and the Pope

The Pig and the Pope

(Credits: Pope photo from blogs.nd.edu. Pig photo from animal-science.com.)

Fractured Cliché #50

Fractured Cliché: Party ‘till the hogs come home

Correct Cliché: Party ‘till the cows come home

Today is Groundhog Day – when a magically imbued rodent predicts the weather. This morning, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, foretelling six more weeks of winter. If he hadn’t, it would have meant an early spring.

When I was growing up in northern North Dakota, we didn’t care whether or not Phil saw his shadow because either prediction was good news. An early spring or 6 more weeks of winter? Both meant our winter would be cut short.

In some circles, the mood is a little sad today. With all eyes focused on Punxsutawney Phil, a lot of the country has forgotten about a little game called football. For the first time ever, the Super Bowl, the coup de grâce of the season, is being trumped by Groundhog Day.

Whatever your focus, find a reason to celebrate – for shadows, sports, commercials, drinks or food. Party till the pigskin comes home.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

If Punxsutawney Phil played football

If Punxsutawney Phil played football

Fractured Cliché #49

When I worked in Human Resources, a significant portion of my time was spent coaching other managers.

I recall one incident in which a manager needed encouragement to complete a difficult task. He had the skills but simply lacked confidence.

During one of our pep talks I fractured a cliché. He smirked when I said it but didn’t say anything.

When he stood up to leave my office, he smiled and grabbed himself. That’s when I realized what I’d said.

I told him to grab the ball by the horns (Fractured Cliché). (Note –  I didn’t suggest he grab his own balls.)

Whether he grabbed the ball or the bull (Correct Cliché) it worked, because he succeeded.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

A Horned Ball

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