True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘Dogs’

Leaf Angel

Coming home from a walk around the neighborhood with the dogs, Stephen and I were admiring the fall colors.

My walking companions

My walking companions

Beautiful fall colors

Beautiful fall colors

When we came upon a large pile of fallen leaves, we had the following conversation.

Still waiting for that leaf angel

Perfect for a leaf angel

Stephen: Should I make a leaf angel – you know a snow angel but with leaves? I could do that and you could take a picture of it for your blog.

Pam: Sure. I’ll take the dogs so you can lay down.

Stephen: Well, I can’t do it now. At least not until I put on a raincoat because I don’t want to get wet. And I guess I’ll need waterproof pants. I’ll also need a waterproof hat. I’ll have to put on waterproof gloves and boots. And underwear – I’ll need waterproof underwear. You know…slugs.

Pam: Why don’t you just wrap your body in saran wrap?

Stephen: I’ll have to make the angel fast then before I run out of air.

Pam: Okay – you can leave a hole for your nose and mouth.

We didn’t talk the rest of the way home. However, our silence was interrupted by fits of laughter. I’m still waiting to get a picture of that leaf angel.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Halloween Trick or Treat Poem

Once upon a dark night creeping

Came some children to my door.

“Trick or treat” they all exclaimed

“Give me candy, give me more”.

One looked dead and one was red with devil horns upon his head.

Providing treats throughout the night

I soon grew bored, my task turned trite.

To make the evening more engaging

I decided to request

A trick before dispensing candy:

“Do a trick – please do your best”.

The children failed to comprehend what I was asking, what I meant.

And so I turned the tables on them staving off my discontent.

As the children gathered round

I brought to them my goofy hounds.

The children giggled, even screamed.

My dogs were dressed for Halloween.

They sat for treats, they danced around,

They jumped for joy, played dead, laid down.

They offered tricks before the treats.

Now every year kids come to see

My puppies dressed for Hallow’s Eve.

"Bony Tony"

“Bony Tony”

Quarter Bark and Cheer Leader

Quarter Bark and Cheer Leader



Shame On Dog Shaming

Dog shaming photos are funny.

I rub in racoon poop

I rub in racoon poop

However, dogs bring great joy to our lives, so it’s time they got a little credit. Here are a few of my favorite “Pup Praising” pics featuring Mia (gray) and Dewey (tan) – both from Midwest Italian Greyhound Rescue.

I keep my human healthy by taking him on walks

I keep my human healthy by taking him on walks

I keep my human warm when it's cold outside

I keep my human warm when it’s cold outside

I don't steal food. I wait until it's offered.

I keep my human’s weight down by offering to eat his food

I protect my home from skunks

I protect my home from skunks even though the penalties are severe

I lower my human's blood pressure by sitting on his lap

I lower my human’s blood pressure by sitting on his lap

I keep my human safe

I keep my human safe by protecting the house

I keep my human entertained by playing with him

I keep my human entertained by playing with him

I herd squirrels into the tree

I keep squirrels out of my house by herding them into trees

I rescued a human

I rescued a human

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Holiday Letter 2013

Dear Family & Friends –

This has been a remarkable year.

In July, an asteroid destroyed our home.  Luckily no one was hurt and we were able to move into our basement.  Sifting through the rubble, we recovered a large tarp to use as a roof. We still have power because one of our gracious neighbors allowed us to run an extension cord from his home.

The dogs have been hunting local wildlife so we can put food on the floor (our table was destroyed with the house).  We learned the hard way that we couldn’t do the hunting ourselves.  Stephen had to spend three nights in jail for killing rabbits. On the bright side he had a bed and indoor plumbing during his incarceration.

Amy (our parrot) is also pulling her weight.  Now that we’re saving money to rebuild our home (we have to pay the bulk of the cost because we had elected NOT to get the extra asteroid insurance – who would have guessed?), we’re sending our correspondence via parrot currier.  Amy’s a little slower than USPS but much more reliable.  The only problem is that she gets bogged down with heavy packages.

Every day we marvel at the generosity of others.  Once the temperatures hit -10 degrees, a neighbor gave us a sleeping bag and a child’s Tyco playhouse.  Stephen and I take turns wrapping up in the sleeping bag.  The one inside sleeps on top of the other to provide added warmth. Our pets use the playhouse as a shelter to keep warm.

We also discovered that old garbage gives off heat – you just have to be willing to put up with the smell.  Our neighbors have been helping there too, by dumping their garbage in our basement. So thoughtful.

We’re hoping for a lot of snow this winter because it’s an excellent source of water.  When we want to melt it quickly, we set a bucket (also supplied by a neighbor – bless them all) under another neighbor’s dryer vent and it works like a charm.

The challenges we’ve faced this year have certainly changed our outlook on life and made us appreciate the generosity of others. Life is not only full of surprises but also full of blessings.

Here’s wishing you a very happy holiday season.


May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Dewey hunting squirrels

Dewey hunting squirrels

Do The Mobster Mash

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and one of my favorite Halloween stories comes from a friend who grew up in Chicago.

When she was kid, she’d dress up and go trick or treating. A favorite begging spot was a neighborhood populated predominantly with mobsters. It was an affluent area with huge houses that were exquisitely landscaped. She said the mobsters were extremely generous. They didn’t give away the snack size treats – they gave full size candy bars.

Coming from a small town, it sounded kind of scary to me. Apparently it was one of the safest areas around. The mobsters were family oriented placing safety for the kids as a priority. Burly armed guards were everywhere, many handing out the candy.

Her story is such a contrast to mine. I also went trick or treating. However, none of the kids dressed in costume. By the end of October, we were already wearing our heavy winter coats, hats and mittens trudging through the snow – fingers and candy bars nearly frozen. We still had fun, though.

Obviously I’m too old to trick or treat now but I’m not too old to give candy to beggars who approach my threshold. I enjoy seeing their smiling faces and costumes.

The kids who’ve been to my house in years past always know to look for the fancy little dogs. I suspect Dewey and Mia view dressing up as a trick, but it’s a treat for everyone else.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,




There’s A Monkey On My App

Orangutans at the Milwaukee Zoo are using the iPad to watch videos, play games, and create artwork. They’re even using Skype and FaceTime to communicate with friends and family at other zoos.

In Mexico, a bottlenose dolphin named Merlin has been using an iPad as a language interface. Merlin uses his nose to operate the touchscreen and his human partner is building a database of dolphin symbols.

To me, this is just the beginning. As orangutans and dolphins become more proficient with technology, these and other animals will eventually get their own e-mail, Facebook and Twitter accounts. (Hey, it worked for Angelina Jolie’s right leg.) I wouldn’t be surprised to see zoo admission costs go up just to cover outrageous texting fees.

Learning that orangutans and dolphins like the iPad, I decided to see what my pets think about it, starting with my parrot Amy. When I showed Amy the iPad, I held it close but just out of reach so she wouldn’t destroy it. Her reaction was very positive. Her pupils constricted, she made a range of happy noises, lifted her wings, and bounced – all signs of her excitement. Funny enough, her favorite appeared to be Angry Birds.

The dogs were a little tougher to please. I downloaded a few free apps for dogs and the only one they found exciting was an app that sounded like a squeaky toy. I tried a bark translator but didn’t find it credible. For example, I have a hard time believing my nearly hairless little dogs would say “Is it hot in here or is it just my fur?“.

Amy communicates fairly well but the language barrier with the dogs could use some help. I think it would be cool if my dogs and I could communicate through the iPad. It would be simple to build a language database because we’d only need a handful of icons such as food, water, outside, treat, and squirrel.

Call me old fashioned, but I’m not a fan of allowing them to text. Dogs are pack animals and texting would change their whole dynamic. I think they would become a lot like teenagers. Instead of running around at the dog park, they would gather in groups and only interact through their smart phones.

For now, we should keep an eye on orangutans and dolphins. I don’t mean to be a conspiracy theorist, but if they start using the iPad to communicate with each other, we may be in trouble.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Angry Birds = Happy Bird

Black Friday

Sales were up 7% on Black Friday. Rather than fighting the crowds I checked for online deals and found some very bizarre items including a Haunted Voodoo Love Spell Ring, Poop Fossil Jewelry and a Parasite Wood Carving (those parasites are amazingly talented). I didn’t buy any of these things.

On my Black Friday we had a houseguest named Vlad, increasing the number of dogs in our home by 50%. Vlad, a 2 year old 13 lb. Italian Greyhound (IG) who is currently up for adoption, needed a babysitter over the holiday and we volunteered.

Here’s a picture of one of his favorite things – jumping on his person’s back. (I almost posted a picture of Vladimir poopin’ but thought that might be disrespectful to a certain world leader.)

Baby got back

Vlad is happy, confident, smart, energetic, sweet and deaf.  In preparation for his arrival, I researched living and communicating with a deaf dog. We used hand signals (there’s a standard canine sign language) and a flashlight to call him from the back yard at night. He’s fine as long as he can see you.

IGs are called velcro dogs because when they’re not running or playing they want to be next to you. We were concerned that with only two laps and three dogs, one wouldn’t have anybody to stick to. We quickly found out that the number of laps was irrelevant because each evening all three dogs sat next to me.

Feeding time required supervision with so many mouths to feed. Vlad was easily distracted showing signs of CADD (Canine Attention Deficit Disorder) and sometimes needed a little coaxing to finish his meal.

It was fun having him visit but even with Vlad as a distraction, I can’t get my mind off of the weird gifts I found online. Do you know anyone who could use a Kangaroo Scrotum keyring?

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about Vlad and other Italian Greyhounds available for adoption in Illinois, Wisconsin and Indiana go to For information about Italian Greyhounds or adoptees in other parts of the United States go to

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