True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘farce’

American Eagle

American Ego

Heavily protected, the American Ego is not on the endangered list.

The Man Cold

Last week, Stephen was home sick for several days. He spent the majority of his time unconscious – asleep in bed – so he was very low maintenance. Fortunately for me, he had the flu and not a cold. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, the video below illustrates my concerns perfectly.

Warning: This video contains graphic information and is thus intended for mature audiences only. Viewer discretion is advised.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

How farce will people go?

Trump will pay for wall ‘in one form or another’

Trump will pay for the wall ‘in one form or another’. He may even write a check when it’s said and done.*

*I wrote the caption myself. Any similarity to words spoken by Donald Trump or others is purely coincidental.

Credits: Photo taken outside the Republican National Convention by Nathaniel Welch/REDUX

The Dawn of Curiosity

I love the pictures NASA has been sharing since launching the Rover Curiosity to Mars and Dawn Spacecraft to the dwarf planet Ceres.

Being transported to other worlds fuels the thirst for information about the big question of whether we are alone in the universe.

The most famous “alien” sighting took place in Roswell, New Mexico. Of course the supposed space ship was later debunked as being a simple weather balloon.

Sightings of mysterious lights in the sky have also been exposed as flares, reflections or experimental aircraft.

Given our history, it’s no surprise that the latest findings on Mars and Ceres are reigniting our wonder of what – or who – is out there.

Take a look at recent NASA photos.

Pyramid on Mars

Pyramid on Mars

The Mars pyramid is estimated to be the size of a car. Some people wonder whether more of the structure is buried under the dirt.

Pyramid on Ceres

Pyramid on Ceres

The Ceres pyramid is thought to be three miles high. We’ll know more when Dawn get’s closer to the planet.

The current theory is that both off-world pyramids were created by wind.

My friend Vivian visited Egypt and she’s adamant that Earth pyramids were not formed by wind (or aliens).

Pyramid on Earth

Pyramid on Earth

As if the pyramids weren’t enough to get our neurons sparking, scientists have been puzzling over a series of unexplained lights in a crater on Ceres.

Bright spots on Ceres

Bright spots on Ceres

Of course they aren’t from a city or spaceship, that explanation is just too far fetched. The thought is they may be from reflective ice or salt.

I suspect they’re reflections from weather balloons that measured the force of the wind that created that perfectly formed pyramid. What do you think?

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF and Psy-Ficologist,

Pam

Four Unusual Entrepreneurs

Not everyone is cutout to work for someone else. If you are one of those people but are struggling with business ideas, perhaps these unusual entrepreneurs will inspire you.

  1. Golden tickets to heaven

A Florida couple sold hundreds of golden tickets to heaven for $99.99 per ticket – guaranteed to get you through the pearly gates. Unfortunately, they told buyers the tickets were made of solid gold when, in reality, they were a piece of wood painted gold – which got them arrested.

The couple stands by their claim that the tickets are gold. They say that Jesus gave them the tickets behind the KFC so they could earn enough money to go to outer space. Their alien friend, Stevie, promised to take them on his flying saucer to his planet which is made of crack cocaine. The couple believe Jesus set them up and it’s he who should be arrested.

  1. Time travel vacations

Zach Zeal, another Florida entrepreneur, is selling time travel vacations using his homemade time machine. He can take you wherever you want to go although he admits the system doesn’t always comply.

In order to obtain the $5,000 vacation, you must be willing to spend 24-36 hours in Mr. Zeal’s home. He places a small paper tab on your tongue (he claims is not acid) and then shoots a laser beam into your face. After which you may, or may not, be taken to your time of choice.

  1. Selling your soul to the devil

If you’ve ever thought about selling your soul to the devil to have a better life on earth, you should probably first read Rex Touth’s book How to Negotiate Unholy Contracts. He offers step by step instructions on how to summon the devil and then get the best deal possible. He also advises clients to demand the life-extension clause which guarantees 300 years of a youthful existence.

  1. Snuggles and hugs

If all this nonsense is too much, you can purchase snuggles and hugs. Jackie Samuel, from Rochester, New York believes in the magic of the human touch so she sells cuddles of 45, 60 or 90 minutes. The starting cost is around $50.

These are all certainly unique ideas. Feeling inspired?

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

If you can find the right audience, anything will sell

If you can find the right audience, anything will sell

If Santa Wrote A Letter To Santa

Dear Santa –

I normally don’t write to you but I’ve reached my limit. Every year is the same thing – 11 months of a manageable schedule followed by several hectic weeks of unreasonable demands culminating in a night that requires 11 months to recover.

The time has come for us to change our culture.

If I were to ask for something tangible for Christmas, I’d put a Fitbit on my list so I could monitor my fitness level. The request would be a waste because I know that any progress I would make throughout the year would be lost during the Christmas season, sitting for prolonged periods of time listening to children convey their Christmas desires.

I’d also like a membership to Weight Watchers so I can reach and maintain a healthy weight. This would reduce our health care costs and ensure my ability to meet Christmas demands long into the future.

However, any progress I would make during the year would be lost during the intense period of weight gain. I know the drill: “Eat, Santa, Eat”. “The kids expect a fat Santa.” It’s all about what the customer wants.

Have you ever thought about leading by example? Changing customer expectations?

Maybe we should start presenting a healthy Santa – show the kids Santa doesn’t have to be overweight. That in fact, a slender Santa is MORE jolly than one who’s round little belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly when he laughs. I think the combination of extreme work schedule and rapid weight gain sends the wrong message completely.

As long as I’m expressing my concerns, I feel it’s my duty to bring up my work conditions. Specifically, I’m referring to smoking – an extremely dangerous habit. Of course I don’t smoke cigarettes but my work exposes me to massive amounts of second hand smoke every year. I suggest rather than going down the chimney, I start using a door or window.

Face it – we’re cooking a recipe for disaster when we combine extreme work, weight gain and smoking. It’s almost like you’re trying to kill me. Personally, I don’t think a replacement would be easy to find.

My other complaint is your requirement that I eat milk and cookies set out by the families whose homes I visit. I’ve been lactose intolerant for years and now with my recently acquired gluten allergy, I’m barely able to move by the time I finish my shift. One of these days I won’t make it around the world in one night. What will happen then?

You know I’ve been good, Santa, and you know that my requests are all reasonable. We can easily implement these changes with a wellness program along with a commitment from you to stick with it.

Please know that I remain committed to meeting with all the children of the world, flying the sleigh and delivering gifts – assuming I don’t keel over from a massive coronary or just plain exhaustion. The kids have been good this year and I don’t want to let them down.

Until I hear otherwise, I’ll continue to eat. 

Ho, Ho, Ho and Merry Christmas.

May the farce be with you!

Your, IFF

Santa

Waiting for Santa

Waiting for Santa

Geico Gecko Scandal

News reports that Debi Nubatonis, a 31-year-old Indonesian woman, gave birth to a gecko are true*. She was threatened by an angry lynch mob after delivering her baby because they thought she practiced witchcraft. However, it’s unlikely witchcraft was involved.

Paparazzi report sightings of the Geico Gecko in Indonesia approximately 8 months ago.  More specifically, he was seen with Debi on numerous occasions in spite of attempts to go incognito.

In disguise

In disguise**

 

The Gecko,  author of “You’re Only Human” and a spokes lizard for Geico Insurance, initially refused to comment but later went on the record to say:

“I did not have sex with that woman. This is definitely not my baby. I’ve asked for a DNA test and plan to appear on the celebrity edition of Maury Povich when the results are revealed. I don’t have anything to hide.”

Reporters reached out to Maxwell the pig, also a representative for Geico, and asked him what he thought of the whole affair. He said

“There’s definitely a danger for animals who take on human roles.  We have a tendency to identify with humans and run the risk of losing our own identity. The Gecko is a perfect example. His book is about being human and now it appears as though he’s established a relationship with a human woman. It’s very sad.”

It looks like we’ll have to wait until Maury Povich airs to learn the truth.

In the mean time, the baby, who’s name is yet to be revealed, has been accused of not even existing. Doctors suspect Debi suffered a false pregnancy and that a lizard may have landed on discharge during the faux birthing which the midwife mistook as a baby.

Doctors claim there has never been a case of cross-species conception or birth. Tell that to the Gecko.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

*It’s true this story was reported on the news. I don’t know if the story itself is true but the blog isn’t.

**Photo from youtube.wikia.com

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