“Hallelujah! I can breathe through both nostrils! It’s a miracle! I am sooooooo lucky! Praise the dog!”
I’m sure I said this or something similar as I lay on the floor writhing in pain after Max, my Italian Greyhound, broke my nose. Coming home from a brief outing, Max was excited to see me and hit his head, with the force of a baseball, on my sniffer.
I heard the crack, felt intense, blinding pain, fell onto the floor, shouted words of praise to Max, and curled into a fetal position with my hands covering my face waiting for the pain to pass.
This wasn’t the first time I had broken my nose but I hope it’s the last. I was a teenager the first time I split my snout. In a car with a group of friends, we decided to do a Chinese fire drill – a prank in which passengers get out of a stopped car, circle it and return to their seats. My nose broke when I ran into a friend’s shoulder. Everyone in the car ran the wrong direction except me .
My second major break occurred during a major break in my acting career. After being cast as the princess in “The Frog Princess”, I tried to walk through a glass window I had mistaken for an open doorway. Fortunately for the production, I spent the majority of the play inside a frog head.
No longer able breathe through my nose, I underwent surgery to repair the damage. As I was healing, I sneezed and jammed my schnoz into Stephen’s shoulder. My doctor was less than pleased by my inability to protect his work but at least I could still breathe out of one nostril…until Max. The break I had sustained all those years ago was fixed by one quick dog head to the face.
I love my little Max but I don’t want my nose broken again because I like airflow through both nostrils so I’m very careful around him now.
It was a lucky day when we adopted Max and luckier still when he performed a septoplasty on me without an anesthetic.
May the farce be with you!