True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘Max’

Baby It’s Cold Outside

Complete and utter humiliation


Our First Christmas With Max

We adopted Max the end of March, a beautiful four year old Italian Greyhound. He’s a southern boy from Kentucky and has not adapted well to the cold weather. Since he’s from the south, he’s never had to wear clothes to keep warm, so every time we dress him, he refuses to move. Therefore, it was relatively easy to get these pictures of Max dressed up for the holidays. Enjoy – I guarantee Max didn’t!

This is how Santa would look if he was an Italian Greyhound

With a beard…

Max is secure enough in his masculinity to don a Christmas tree outfit that looks like a dress

Don’t worry Max, we won’t ever mount your head.

A bunny sweater that looks suspiciously like a deer.

Santa’s little helper.

I would like to thank Max for his sacrifice. He was (and is) a good boy.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



Dog Halloween Poem

As dusk arrives on Halloween,

the puppies run, the kiddies scream

with delight.

They’ve never seen

these costumes on the dogs.




yellow submarine,

quarterbark & cheerleader,

cowboy dressed in jeans.

Buns with a real dog inside,

a skunk that’s safe – no need to hide

A family photo filled with pride,


May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,




Clear Misunderstanding

Last week I took Max to the vet for a routine vaccination. Before we went in, he looked like this.

Max doesn’t know that he’s going to the vet although he looks suspicious.

When he came out, I thought he would look like this.

Hot dog at the Bordello

Or this.

Top dog at the bordello

It’s with mixed feelings that I report Max is neither a gigolo nor a pimp.

Apparently, Max was not vaccinated for Bordello but rather Bordetella. I think it’s clear why I misunderstood.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Broken Nose

“Hallelujah! I can breathe through both nostrils! It’s a miracle! I am sooooooo lucky! Praise the dog!”

I’m sure I said this or something similar as I lay on the floor writhing in pain after Max, my Italian Greyhound, broke my nose. Coming home from a brief outing, Max was excited to see me and hit his head, with the force of a baseball, on my sniffer.

Max hit me harder than this

I heard the crack, felt intense, blinding pain, fell onto the floor, shouted words of praise to Max, and curled into a fetal position with my hands covering my face waiting for the pain to pass.

This wasn’t the first time I had broken my nose but I hope it’s the last. I was a teenager the first time I split my snout. In a car with a group of friends, we decided to do a Chinese fire drill – a prank in which passengers get out of a stopped car, circle it and return to their seats. My nose broke when I ran into a friend’s shoulder. Everyone in the car ran the wrong direction except me .

My second major break occurred during a major break in my acting career. After being cast as the princess in “The Frog Princess”, I tried to walk through a glass window I had mistaken for an open doorway. Fortunately for the production, I spent the majority of the play inside a frog head.

No one could tell my nose was broken

No longer able breathe through my nose, I underwent surgery to repair the damage. As I was healing, I sneezed and jammed my schnoz into Stephen’s shoulder. My doctor was less than pleased by my inability to protect his work but at least I could still breathe out of one nostril…until Max. The break I had sustained all those years ago was fixed by one quick dog head to the face.

Max isn’t as innocent as he looks

I love my little Max but I don’t want my nose broken again because I like airflow through both nostrils so I’m very careful around him now.

It’s harder to cuddle with the helmet

It was a lucky day when we adopted Max and luckier still when he performed a septoplasty on me without an anesthetic.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Chew On This

I have two little dogs – 17 and 11 pounds. When shopping for treats, I discovered large flat chews that are almost as big as my dogs.


Max can barely carry the treat but he loves it

I started with a pack of three because I wasn’t sure how they would respond. Our plan was to cut them into smaller pieces but Mia and Max found the big ones irresistible. Even though they each had their own, I quickly discovered they always wanted the same one.

Even with multiple treats, one chew is always better and everybody wants it

Observing this behavior, it seems that dogs are a lot like people. The grass is always greener (aka the other chew always tastes better). And, we don’t always appreciate what we have.

Based on empirical evidence (my observation), both chews are fantastic. One doesn’t taste better than another so enjoy what you were given. Hmm, I think these sage words apply to us as well. Just remember – don’t bite off more than you can chew.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


This Little Doggy (An Updated Nursery Rhyme)

This little doggy went to market.

She likes to get all dressed up to go shopping in high-end stores, buying anything she wants.


This little doggy stayed home.

He slept. He’s an old man. Sleeping is one of his favorite things.


This little doggy would love to have roast beef, chicken, turkey, pork, pasta, pizza…

He’ll eat almost anything if given the chance.


This little doggy had none. Sadly, his person restricts his dietary intake.

On the bright side – he maintains his svelte figure by eating right plus 4-6 hours of vigorous exercise a day.


These little doggies went wee wee wee all the way home.

Because they’re so happy to be together.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


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