I think my mom is trying to get me arrested. Last week we had an argument over the phone regarding my refusal to buy pot illegally.
It all started with a segment on the TV show The Doctors that focused on the benefits of pot for migraine sufferers. Mom told me about the episode and made me promise to talk to my doctor about it. When I spoke to him, he explained that since pot is illegal at the federal level, researchers are unable to conduct clinical trials, therefore, the evidence that pot helps migraines is anecdotal. However, does he think it could help? Yes, he does. The problem? Although medical marijuana is legal in Illinois, migraine headaches are not on the approved list so he’s unable to prescribe it.
When Mom heard this, she was outraged.
Mom: You mean there’s something your doctor could give you that might help your headaches and he won’t do it?!?
Pam: It’s not that he won’t do it, he can’t. Migraines don’t qualify as a pot-eligible medical condition. It would be illegal for him to prescribe it to me.
Mom: Well then go get it yourself. Forget about a prescription.
Pam: I can’t get it from a dispensary without a prescription and recreational marijuana is illegal in Illinois. If I bought it, I could get arrested.
Mom: Then go to Colorado and buy it. It’s legal there.
Pam: I could certainly buy pot in Colorado but I could get arrested as soon as I brought it into Illinois.
The conversation continued like this until Mom finally gave up. I think she ran out of ways to trick me into getting arrested.
May the farce be with you!