True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘poem’

Dog Halloween Poem

As dusk arrives on Halloween,

the puppies run, the kiddies scream

with delight.

They’ve never seen

these costumes on the dogs.

Princess,

pirates,

skeleton,

yellow submarine,

quarterbark & cheerleader,

cowboy dressed in jeans.

Buns with a real dog inside,

a skunk that’s safe – no need to hide

A family photo filled with pride,

 

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

 

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This Little Doggy (An Updated Nursery Rhyme)

This little doggy went to market.

She likes to get all dressed up to go shopping in high-end stores, buying anything she wants.

 

This little doggy stayed home.

He slept. He’s an old man. Sleeping is one of his favorite things.

 

This little doggy would love to have roast beef, chicken, turkey, pork, pasta, pizza…

He’ll eat almost anything if given the chance.

 

This little doggy had none. Sadly, his person restricts his dietary intake.

On the bright side – he maintains his svelte figure by eating right plus 4-6 hours of vigorous exercise a day.

 

These little doggies went wee wee wee all the way home.

Because they’re so happy to be together.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Easter Poem

I found these eggs by my front door, brought by the Easter Bunny.

When I looked inside the eggs, I laughed at something funny.

One egg, it was still unhatched, one had a dinosaur,

Stephen filled the other egg which caused my laugh to roar.

After fully hatching, I brought Stephen home.

As soon as he escaped the egg, the man began to roam.

He brought home many creatures, the dogs I liked the best.

They put up with all kinds of stuff, even getting dressed.

Life is full of ups and downs, cloudy days and sunny.

I love the times you don’t expect, like these three Easter Bunnies.

I find every day is a complete and total treasure.

I hope your days are filled with joy and laughter beyond measure.

Saving Daylight Time – A Poem

I looked outside my window

And saw to my delight

The strangest glow adorn the sky.

I’ve heard it’s called sunlight.

The yellow ball is rarely seen

In my neck of the woods

It’s mostly gray and often rains

Throughout my neighborhoods.

That’s why I got excited

When I heard the day was here

To switch to daylight savings time

Which means that spring is near.

As clocks advance upon first glance

Sun dissipates the gloom.

The longer days and daylight saves

Will brighten up my room.

Spring is but a leap away

From dreary skies and dismal days,

Flowers’ bouquet, their grand display

Will shake me from this cloudy haze.

Perhaps if time did not change

Then winter might extend its range.

So change the time, let’s summon spring

And all the joy that it will bring.

 

Another sign of spring

 

Winter’s Song

(To be sung to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas”)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Ev’rywhere I go.

The dogs need their coats and boots to go out in the cold to p**p,

And they need their fancy ‘lectric heated throw.

Trying...to...stay...awake...

Trying…to…stay…awake…

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Snow at my back door.

But the prettiest sight I see is the one on my iPad screen

Of the ocean shore.

 

A pair of thinsulate boots, a Canadian tuque

To keep out the wind and the cold,

A coat past my knees to make sure I don’t freeze,

Warm gloves or a muff I can hold.

I can hardly wait for spring and the smell of marigolds.

Oops - forgot coat. Distracted by squirrel!

Oops – forgot coat. Distracted by squirrel!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Ev’rywhere I go.

The weather’s on my last nerve. Trees in the forest preserve

Are the wimpy kind that plummet from the snow.

 

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Soon the snow will fall.

And the reason that it’s okay is that it will go away

With Spring’s sweet call.

Only six more months to go

Only six more months to go

Poe Thing

Stephen’s dad used to be the Administrator of a nursing home and assisted living facility. When Stephen was in high school, he would work at the home in the summer and after school. During the course of his employment, he ran across a semi-famous resident – the great-granddaughter of Edgar Allen Poe. I have no idea how she ended up in North Dakota assisted living, but there she was.

When Stephen knew her, she had developed a rash on her stomach. He found out about the rash when she described what happened with her doctor.

Doctor – How’s the rash?

Patient – Not good.

Doctor – Have you been using the cream I gave you?

Patient – Yes, but it tastes terrible.

Once she started rubbing the cream on instead of ingesting it, the rash went away.

In honor of her predicament and her famous great-grandfather, I’ve written this short poem.

On my stomach I was itching, using cream that should be fixing

A long time sore that I kept picking like selecting new decor.

So I ate the icky cream and I thought that I would scream

From the itching and the scratching on my core.

Then the doctor, I remember, said to rub it on the sore.

And if I do? Quoth the doctor, ‘Never more’.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pamcool_story_poe_funny_poster-r4be84445764249fe9155f8b36648ac59_e11_8byvr_512

All The Casement Windows

To be sung to the tune of “All the Single Ladies”

Inspired by a recent installation of windows in my home

 

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows

Now put your cranks up

 

Want fresh air on your derriere but the sun’s just beating down

Window seat can’t beat the heat cause there is no breeze around

You reach to see how cool you can be, don’t find no crank or handle

You cry real tears for all the years you’ll suffer with the heat

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

 

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

 

I got drips on my lips, heat apocalypse

Feeling hotter than purgatory

Extra cash, to open the sash

Wanted to keep the money

I have heat exhaustion, did I mention

When I ordered the windows

I had my turn

Now I’m gonna learn

What it really feels like with no screen

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

 

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

 

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows

Now put your cranks up

 

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Wuh uh oh

A crank won't help this window

A crank won’t help this window

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