‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the house
My mother was calling my poor dad a louse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
But the presents weren’t wrapped, some weren’t even there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
My parents were frazzled, too much in their heads.
Mamma was shopping online for more crap,
And daddy was holding a dog in his lap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Dad sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window Mom flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But raccoons in the garbage looking for beer.
With a little masked face, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment it wasn’t St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his claws and hands came,
His throwing the garbage made my parents insane.
My mom shouted loudly “I’ve had it this Christmas.”
My dad yelled right back – “You’re much too ambitious.
Go online right this minute, we’ll buy gift cards for all.
They can buy what they want, we’ll skip lines at the mall!”
“You don’t think we’re cheating?” Mom asked as she bristled.
“I don’t think so at all” Dad proclaimed with dismissal.
Then I heard them exclaim as they turned out the lights.
Happy Christmas to us, it will all be alright!