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Posts tagged ‘sick’

Stages of the Flu: A Pictorial Review

I learned the hard way that the flu is not a linear illness. I got violently ill, started feeling a little better and then lost steam. At several points, it felt as though life as I knew it was over. About to resign myself to a life of pain and solitude, my body won the battle. Here’s what the flu looks like. Hope you never have to experience it firsthand.

Life is wonderful. You have no idea that you are infecting yourself with the flu by licking the window.

You sleep soundly because life is good.

When you wake up, something isn’t quite right.

Everything hurts. EVERYTHING.

You realize what’s happened and want to hide.

It’s impossible to get comfortable.

Still can’t get comfortable.

Nope, still not comfortable.

Will never be comfortable again… ever.

You finally start to feel better but you’re sooooo tired.

Your energy starts to return but it’s really nice to be carried.

You feel like playing again!

Okay, maybe it’s a little more complicated, but nobody wants to hear about it.

Here’s my definitive advice: Avoid the flu like the plague. Unless, of course, the flu is the plague then simply avoid the plague. I realize through this conversation that my brain may not have returned to it’s natural state (notice I didn’t say normal).

Like I said, I’d never claim to be normal

Stay healthy and may the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



On Being Sick

I’ve been flat on my back sick for the past three weeks.

Deciding that I wouldn’t get better on my own, I went to the doctor. When looking in my ear, she said “Huh, I’ve never seen this before. I have no idea what it is.” She then brought in another doctor who said the same thing, conjuring horrible images of those brain biting bugs from Star Trek trying to eat their way out of my head through my ear.

Star Trek Neural Parasite

A specialist was clearly in order – I had to get this bug out of my head.

When the Ear Nose and Throat doctor walked into the room, he offered the standard greeting “How are you today?”. Because the neural parasite had eaten away at my defenses, I couldn’t respond in kind, so I confessed “I’d rather not be here”.  When he said he felt the same way, I knew we would get along just fine. After checking me over, I held my breath waiting for the baneful brain barnacle disease diagnosis – timidly asking if he found anything weird in my ear. He laughed and said there was fluid pressing against my tympanic membrane – nothing more. Whew!

The inside of my ear

He offered new medications but expressed concern that one might interact with another drug I was taking. As he checked for potential problems, I said “You mean like a deadly interaction? Because if you kill me that will definitely stop the sinus infection.” Happy to still be alive, there’s only six more weeks to go before my ear is healed and my hearing returns!

Until then, I will continue to lay around the house like a slug.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


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