True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘sister’

My Sister Learns New Words

Last spring, my sister retired from teaching second graders. Needless to say, she has a lot to learn when it comes to communicating with adults. A few months ago, we had the following text exchange. The gray text is from Diana and the blue is mine. The picture was from her.

Just when I thought we had everything figured out, a few months later, this was our exchange. Again, Diana starts it out.

I can tell after this that my MOFO sister has no FOMO!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



Proper Grooming

One of my former roommates used to shave the front of her legs but not the back. She said she could only see the front so that’s all that mattered. It took me years to realize she was onto something until I had a grooming exchange with my sister. Now she knows what she’s doing!

Actual question from my sister

Looks like I’ll won’t be needing Nair for another two and a half to three years!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


They need to update their marketing

Texting With My Sister

I recently discovered bitmoji – a free app where you can create an avatar in your image to communicate with other people’s avatars. When I first started using the app, my sister noticed that my emojis looked like me. After creating her own avatar, we stopped texting each other because our avatars were too busy communicating. Here’s a sample of their conversations. My avatar has curly hair and my sister’s avatar’s hair is straight. Notice how much nicer my avatar is than hers, reflecting how we are in real life.

42.4 - 50" of snow! Why do I live here?

42.4 – 50″ of snow! Why do I live here?

That's horrible!

That’s horrible!

We were trapped for two days. Some people are still trapped! Aargh!!!!!

We were trapped for two days. Some people are still trapped! Aargh!!!!!


It’s enough to drive you crazy! What does SMH stand for?

Shake My Head

Shake My Head


I'm stressed and cranky! Watch your step!

I’m stressed and cranky! Watch your step!



We have another storm coming!

We have another storm coming!



Big baby!

You're number one

You’re number one

Our avatars are so funny, I laugh every time I use them.


May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Tom The Coin Guy

My sister and I wanted to have some old coins appraised. We took them to a local pawn shop to see if the owner, Tom, could help us out.

When we arrived, the aisles were so packed we had to squeeze past merchandise to get to the counter. Tom was outside, followed us in and bellowed “what do you want?”.

Clearly, he was a man of few words with a gruff demeanor, yet I attempted to make conversation.

There was a dog looking through the front door so I asked if it was Tom’s. He said “It better be!” When I asked her name, he groused “The dog has tools – it’s a male.”

My sister took a different tactic and complimented him on his shorts (they were quite loud sporting a Hawaiian print). Tom brusquely responded “you can buy ’em if you want.”

During this brief exchange, another customer (#2) entered the store. Tom shouted his standard greeting “What do you want?”. When customer #2 said he was just browsing, Tom barked “That ain’t gonna happen. Wait outside until I’m done here.”

Reviewing the coins, he separated those that were only worth face value repeating disdainfully “this is money”. He recorded an estimate on a post-it note for the remaining stash and told us how much they were worth. We thanked him and asked if we could have the post-it note. His reply “Nope. Not unless you plan to pay me. It’ll cost you $25.”

We left empty handed and both agreed that Tom wasn’t our guy. Surprisingly, customer #2 was still there waiting for his turn.

If customer #2 had arrived first and Tom told us to wait outside, using his own words, I would have replied “That ain’t gonna happen.”

Tom’s been in business for more than 30 years so he must be doing something right. I just didn’t see it.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Some female dogs have tools, too

Some female dogs have tools, too

Fractured Cliché #46

In less than two weeks I’m going to see my sister and frister (friend/sister), both of whom live out of state. We don’t see each other often, but when we do, we laugh the entire time we’re together.

When I was a kid, I found Linda (frister) and introduced her to Diana (sister). They were only a year apart but I was 6 years younger. Even though they were older, they included me in their activities. Now that we’re adults, the age gap has disappeared. We’re still the best of friends.

I’m so excited about seeing them, you might say I’m happy as a clam. Of course, that’s not what I would say but the meaning is the same.

Fractured Cliché: Happy as a ham

Correct Cliché: Happy as a clam

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


In the words of Hallmark - If you're happy and you know it, clamp your hams

In the immortal words of Hallmark – If you’re happy and you know it, clamp your hams

Ring Around The Nosey

Today is April Fool’s Day. I’ve always been a prankster but I don’t limit my tricks to one day a year. Here are three of my favorites.

Prank #3: Tassles

My mom collects unusual art from around the world. One piece is a picture of four nearly naked female musicians. Years ago I took gold ribbon and made tassles for added flair. My mom still hasn’t discovered the prank but everytime my sister and I are together, we stand in front of the picture and laugh. It’s kind of become a secret tradition.

Prank #2: Iditarod

One year I put together a Christmas letter and included a blurb about our 12-pound, nearly hairless Italian Greyhound, Tony, winning the Iditarod. When my father-in-law read it, he ran screaming to my mother-in-law with the unbelievable news. The way the story goes, she looked at him like he had two heads, asked to see what he was reading, and explained that it was a joke. It was especially funny since the joke turned out to be on him.

Prank #1: Nose Rings

My favorite prank was the time I visited my parents wearing a fake nose ring. My mom looked at it, grabbed my chin and turned my head, and asked me if it hurt. She assumed it was real and tried not to freak out. The next day I switched it to the other side and she didn’t notice. That same afternoon, I switched it several times until she finally recognized that it was fake. My sister knew what I was up to, so again, we had a good laugh together.

Happy April Fool’s Day and may the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


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