True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘song’

Like A Mother (A Song)

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’ve written a song to be sung to the tune of “Like A River” by Bishop Briggs. The original video is at the end of this post in case you want to sing along using my words.

Like A Mother

Like a mother, like a mother, sh-

Like a mother, like a mother, sh-

Like a mother, like a mother

If it’s not one thing then surely it’s your mother

 

Who gets under your skin

Harder than a bullet could hit ya?

Who makes you feel that guilt

Faster than a hairpin trigger?

 

Don’t you say, don’t you say it

Don’t say, don’t you say it

One breath, she’ll just break it

So shut your mouth or she’ll wash it out with lather

 

She raised you right, baby now you should give her

All your love because she delivered

She’s your mother, she’s your mother

It’s Mother’s Day so treat her like no other

 

Give her love till her veins start to shiver

One big hug till the tears start to wither

She’s your mother, she’s your mother

Shut your mouth or she’ll wash it out with lather

 

Tales of her sacrifice

Curses for the fools around her

Can’t change the way we are

Even if we would prefer

 

Don’t you say, don’t you say it

Don’t say, don’t you say it

One breath she’ll just break it

So shut your mouth or she’ll wash it out with lather

 

Shut your mouth, for you might deliver

Offspring who will grow to be sinners

You’re their mother, you’re their mother

They don’t shut their mouth you’ll wash it out with lather

 

They’ll give you love till your veins start to shiver

One big hug till your tears start to wither

You’re their mother, you’re their mother

If they don’t shut their mouth you’ll wash it out with lather

 

Like a mother, like a mother, sh-

Like a mother, like a mother, sh-

Like a mother, like a mother

If it’s not one thing then surely it’s your mother

 

Hey, oh oh oh

Hey, oh oh oh

Hey, oh oh oh

Oh oh oh

Like a mother

 

You raised them right, they should now be the giver

Of all their love because you delivered

You’re their mother, you’re their mother

It’s Mother’s Day so they should treat you like no other

Choke their love till their veins start to shiver

One last breath till their tears start to wither

Like a mother, like a mother

Shut their mouths and love them like a mother.

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Winter’sBack

To be sung to the tune of SexyBack

I hate that Winter’s back (yuck)

Them other drivers don’t know how to act (yeah)

Get off the road, don’t want to hit your back (yeah)

Get off the road and I’ll pick up the slack (yeah)

[Take it to the bridge]

Dirty snow

You see these shovels, baby

Apropos

The cold’s okay but I don’t like the snow

It’s hard to shovel even when you blow

[Take it to the chorus]

Be gone snow (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Bring back spring (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Be gone snow (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Bring back spring (go ‘head, be gone with it)

You see what you’re shoveling (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Lay down the salt (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Snow makes me mad (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Be gone snow (go ‘head, be gone with it)

And get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone

Repeat above

You ready?

I’m ready!

I’m ready!

I hate that Winter’s back (yuck)

Them other drivers don’t know how to act (yeah)

Get off the road, don’t want to hit your back (yeah)

Get off the road and I’ll pick up the slack (yeah)

[Take it to the chorus]

Be gone snow (go ‘head, be gone with it

Bring back spring (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Be gone snow (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Bring back spring (go ‘head, be gone with it)

You see what you’re shoveling (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Lay down the salt (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Snow makes me mad (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Be gone snow (go ‘head, be gone with it)

And get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone (go ‘head, be gone with it)

Get the winter gone

You ready?

Yes

I’m ready!

Yes!

Yes!

=====================

The video, in case you want to sing along.

 

 

Winter’s Song

(To be sung to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas”)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Ev’rywhere I go.

The dogs need their coats and boots to go out in the cold to p**p,

And they need their fancy ‘lectric heated throw.

Trying...to...stay...awake...

Trying…to…stay…awake…

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Snow at my back door.

But the prettiest sight I see is the one on my iPad screen

Of the ocean shore.

 

A pair of thinsulate boots, a Canadian tuque

To keep out the wind and the cold,

A coat past my knees to make sure I don’t freeze,

Warm gloves or a muff I can hold.

I can hardly wait for spring and the smell of marigolds.

Oops - forgot coat. Distracted by squirrel!

Oops – forgot coat. Distracted by squirrel!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Ev’rywhere I go.

The weather’s on my last nerve. Trees in the forest preserve

Are the wimpy kind that plummet from the snow.

 

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Soon the snow will fall.

And the reason that it’s okay is that it will go away

With Spring’s sweet call.

Only six more months to go

Only six more months to go

All The Casement Windows

To be sung to the tune of “All the Single Ladies”

Inspired by a recent installation of windows in my home

 

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows

Now put your cranks up

 

Want fresh air on your derriere but the sun’s just beating down

Window seat can’t beat the heat cause there is no breeze around

You reach to see how cool you can be, don’t find no crank or handle

You cry real tears for all the years you’ll suffer with the heat

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

 

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

 

I got drips on my lips, heat apocalypse

Feeling hotter than purgatory

Extra cash, to open the sash

Wanted to keep the money

I have heat exhaustion, did I mention

When I ordered the windows

I had my turn

Now I’m gonna learn

What it really feels like with no screen

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

 

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

 

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows (All the casement windows)

All the casement windows

Now put your cranks up

 

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

 

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Don’t be mad once you see that you can’t open it

You want it open then you should’ve put a crank on it

Wuh uh oh

A crank won't help this window

A crank won’t help this window

Christmas Song

Warm Christmas

(To be sung to the tune of White Christmas)

 

I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas

Where nothing’s covered up with snow

Where the sun is shining

Alfresco dining

And I might even have to mow

 

I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas

By the pool eating a peach

May the sun and warmth stay within reach

So I can spend

My Christmas on a beach

 

I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas

Unlike the ones I used to know

Where the flowers glisten

And children listen

For ice cream trucks that come and go

 

I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas

With every Christmas card I send

May today’s happiness transcend

And may warm Christmas never end

 

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

May the farce be with you,

Your IFF,

Pam

A Halloween Song

Ode To All Hallows Eve

(To be sung to the tune of Silver Bells)

 

Silver nails, silver nails

Load them in portable nail guns

Pop and fling, really sting

Soon it will be Halloween

 

People running, people screaming

Cause the monsters are loose

In the air

There’s a feeling of

Terror

 

See the vampires

And the werewolves

Scary creatures are out

So on every street corner you’ll hear

 

Silver nails, Silver nails

Load them in portable nail guns

Pop and fling, really sting

Soon it will be Halloween

 

==================

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Happy Halloween from my zombie self

Happy Halloween from my zombie self

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