True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘Stephen’

The Test Drive

After filling out a sweepstakes for a free car, Stephen received a call from headquarters to come in for a test drive. They said they were having a “HUGE” customer appreciation event and wanted him to attend. Because these events are always crowded, Stephen was encouraged to make an appointment. HQ exclaimed that people drive seven hours to attend these sales. They settled on Saturday morning at 9:10 with Craig. Stephen appeared at the allotted time expecting excitement filled with balloons, crowds and donuts.

Reality didn’t come close to expectations – he was the only customer.

Jim and Dan met him at the door. Stephen explained that he had an appointment with Craig because of the crowds. All three looked around and chuckled. The two salesmen offered their services as they directed Stephen to a car. During the drive, Stephen’s phone rang. He commented to Jim and Dan that it was probably “just his wife” so he could let it go to voicemail.

Just his wife

When it rang a second time, Stephen thought there might be an emergency so he pulled over to take the call. Mitch from the Texas office was on the other end.

Mitch: Where are you? You were supposed to check in with Craig at 9:10. You’re late!

Stephen: I was here at 9:00 and am test driving one of your cars now.

Mitch: You need to return to the dealership immediately and check in with Craig!

Jim and Dan told Stephen not to worry about it, deciding to continue the drive. A couple of minutes later, Stephen received a call from a California office enduring a conversation similar to the one from Texas.

After hearing Stephen’s story, I concluded this car was not for us. If they’re confused about sales, service would be downhill with no brakes.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Just his wife?!?

 

 

The Goat

We love going to craft fairs. In the summer, there’s one happening nearly every weekend. Lately, Stephen has been attracted to goats and sheep, purchasing some unique finds. Take a look.

Notice the large, innocent sheep is holding a smaller sheep.

 

This little gem is made of clay.

Last weekend, the collection took a turn to the dark side. Walking past an artist’s booth, Stephen was attracted to a drawing of a goat. I walked quickly past the booth hoping he wouldn’t see it, but I wasn’t fast enough. He purchased it, almost skipping out of the booth he was so giddy. Once we found a frame and mat, we hung the goat in the kitchen – near the toasters – the only appliance (aside from the microwave) that I’m authorized to use.

I’ve stared at this goat for a week now, every morning when I make my toast. I swear he’s staring back. He has red devilish eyes and there appear to be flames in the background, presumably from when he set the barn on fire (the farmer was probably inside).

Lucifer – the goat from Hell

I don’t trust this animal. I’ve begun to closely supervise the toaster to make sure nothing bursts into flames. I try not to turn my back on the photo just in case it really is possessed. So far, he hasn’t attacked me during the night, but I fear it’s only a matter of time.

At the next craft show, I’m going to look for a picture of a coyote in hopes it will eat the goat. Once the coyote has finished his meal, I’ll set him free with the other coyotes in the park, restoring the balance of nature. In the mean time, I remain vigilant.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Man Flu

This past week, Stephen got sick. I was worried he had the man flu but his doctor diagnosed it as a man virus (very similar to the Man Cold). The event went kind of like this.

It was touch and go when Stephen got sick, but fortunately he felt better the next day. We were lucky because it could have been so much worse. Had we not taken the appropriate precautions, we could have ended up like this couple.

Although man illnesses are the most dangerous, it’s difficult when anyone in the family is sick.  I remember last year when I had the flu (just regular flu, not man flu), on my worst day I was only able to do four loads of laundry, run one dishwasher load, change the sheets on only one bed, vacuum the upstairs, and clean the kitchen and two bathrooms. I was a mess.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Father of Dragons

Father of Dragons

Why The Easter Bunny Delivers At Night

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Concubine

Stephen’s holding the conch you’re buying

Duct Tape

The other morning, Stephen and I were standing in front of the bathroom mirror. He was trimming his beard and I was searching for a tweezer. When I found it, I plucked a long black hair from my chin. As I showed it to Stephen, I started whining about the trials and tribulations of aging – specifically when it comes to hair.

Pam: Look at this hair I pulled from my chin. This was on my face!! I hate this. I no longer have hair on my arms but instead I have THIS growing out of my chin. And then look at my face. I have white fuzz all over my cheeks. Aargh!  I can’t stand it!

Stephen: Maybe we can play a little game with duct tape.

I’m not sure if he was trying to stop the whining or remove the hair. Maybe both!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

I hope this isn’t what he had in mind!

Photo credit: Duck Tape by Will Bullas

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