True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘Stephen’

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

There’s a seven mile drive from the Carlsbad Caverns park entrance to the visitor center with electronic signs along the way showing your speed.

After passing several such signs, Stephen was reminded of a story from his childhood. Stephen, about age 8 and his brother, age 6, were in the backseat of the car making a lot of noise. His dad, who was driving, pulled the car to the side of the road and told the boys they needed to burn some energy. He instructed them to get out of the car, hold onto a door handle and they would see how fast the boys could run. Stephen claims he got up to 25 mph.

With this in mind, Stephen wanted to see if he could run faster than he did as a kid. We pulled the car to the side of the road and Stephen ran toward the sign. Although the meter didn’t pick him up, I’m sure he was doing at least 50.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,




The Power of Positive Hexting

Stephen recently had an invasive medical procedure to check for a possible serious illness. The test showed that he’s perfectly fine, but we didn’t know it at the time. We had to go to a hospital and I was a nervous wreck.

We waited in his room for 30 minutes when the nurse finally came to begin preparations. At that point, I was asked to leave. To curb my anxiety, I turned to humorous texting (i.e., hexting). Here’s the exchange that took place in the waiting room. My texts are in green.

I’m incredibly thankful the test confirmed that Stephen’s in perfect health. Sadly for him, the nurse wanted time alone to insert an IV. And for me, I’m still waiting for the fireman.

In my head, I saw him standing in the elevator. When the doors opened, he was young, tall, muscular and shirtless, wearing his fireman pants with the suspenders hanging down. He shook his dark hair out of his eyes and smiled at me with cute, deep dimples and straight, white teeth. He came toward me in slow motion, with an invisible fan blowing his hair. Using his muscular hands and arms, he eliminated the knots from my neck and shoulders.

Then he leaned over, looked at me with his piercing blue eyes and whispered in my ear that he was leaving to clean my house. He promised to have a hot meal waiting and asked if there was anything in particular I wanted for the menu. As he got on the elevator, he smiled and said everything was going to be okay. He was right.

May good health and the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


The Shrining

The last time I fell I hit my head and ended up with a bruise on the outside of my eye. Following is my conversation with Stephen about my injury. He didn’t immediately realize the topic under discussion.

Pam: Wow! I’m excited – it looks like I’ve got a shiner. It’s on the outside – an outer shiner.


Stephen: The Shining? Did you say you have The Shining? Outside?

My eye didn’t look like Jack Nicholson outside in The Shining.

Pam: No. I’m talking about my eye – I’ve got an awesome bruise on the outside of my eye. You know, one of those things with a little hat.

Nor was my bruise wearing a little hat.

Stephen: You mean a Shriner? You’ve got a Shriner outside? Why?

Pam: Look at me.

Stephen: Oh, okay. I get it now. But a Shriner?

I think I’m going to have to find a little hat for my eye just to preserve my dignity.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,






The Sandwich Conundrum

The following conversations are regarding a sausage, egg and cheese muffin Stephen made for lunch at work.

Day 1

Pam: How was lunch today?

Stephen: It was okay.

Pam: Just okay?

Stephen: Yeah. It tasted good but I heated it with the cheese on top and everytime I took a bite, cheese got stuck in my teeth. Tomorrow I think I’ll make it with the cheese on the bottom.

Pam: Did you ever think to just turn the sandwich upside down when you eat it?

Stephen: No but that’s probably a good idea.

Day 2

Pam: How was lunch today?

Stephen: It was okay.

Pam: Just okay?

Stephen: Yeah. Today I heated it with the cheese on the bottom and when it melted, it ran all over the plate. I had to scrape it up and put it back on the sandwich. It was kind of a pain.

Pam: Hmm, that’s too bad.

Stephen: Tomorrow I think I’ll heat it with the cheese on top and eat it upside down.

Pam: Wow, that’s brilliant…

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,



Up In Arms

Stephen is up in arms!

Airplane Mode

Before take-off, be sure to put your husband in airplane mode

Chew On This

Audrey, our youngest Italian Greyhound (IG), loves to chew. In addition to toys, anything is fair game: her dog tags, Max’s collar (her brother), wires, walls, windows, and anything else she can find.

Audrey chewing on the window

An elegant breed, Audrey can make IGs look goofy.

IGs are dignified

Because of Audrey’s propensity to gnaw, we raise our wooden vertical blinds out of reach and position the pulls where she can’t touch them. This is the damage she can do.

A pull before and after Audrey

The other day, Stephen raised the blinds but forgot to tuck away the pulls. I heard Audrey chewing on the knob and reminded Stephen of the need to displace the pulls. Here’s what happened.

Stephen: You know, you could have handled that better.

Pam: What are you talking about?

Stephen: The blind pulls. What you should have done was move the pulls yourself. You should also move them any time I forget in the future. Eventually I’ll notice what you’re doing and I’ll feel guilty. Then I’ll learn my lesson and start doing it myself.

I paused, initially thinking he was serious. Then I realized it didn’t matter whether he was or not and I burst out laughing, thus marking the end of the conversation.

BTW – he took care of the pulls himself.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


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