True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘tiger’

This Story’s Fur Real

Growing up in the midwest 60 miles south of the Canadian border meant I was accustomed to bitter cold winters. Temperatures could get as extreme as 70 below with the wind.

As a teenager, I wore vintage fur coats purchased in Canada. They were warm and they looked cool. Back then I didn’t give a thought to the morality of wearing real fur.

As I got older and more socially aware, I switched from real fur to synthetic. It still kept me warm and still looked cool.

Some synthetic furs look like the real thing. One of my coats was in a tiger pattern. It looked like an imitation to me, however, not everyone agreed.

I remember being in an elevator with a group of people when a stranger openly criticized me for wearing a fur coat. She thought I was a horrible human being for skinning a tiger, a species she claimed was endangered, so I could wear it on my back – for fashion no less. I stood there, letting her talk.

When she was done speaking, I calmly stated that she was mistaken.  A family of farm-raised polyesters gave their lives for my coat and as far as I knew, they weren’t endangered. After I finished, everyone in the elevator laughed except her. She turned beet read. Not saying a word, she exited at the first available floor. I never saw her again.

I’ve included a picture of the offending coat. It still looks fake to me and to the best of my knowledge, polyesters are still thriving in abundance.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


The coat looks better on me but Earl doesn’t know how to work the camera.

Where The Wild Things Are

As the weather gets colder in Chicago, the thought of a pool party is inviting. Why? Because a pool party implies sun and warm weather. Although taking a dip in the water and lounging by the side of a pool sounds relaxing, there are things that could turn such a positive experience into a disaster. Off the top of my head, alligators and tigers come to mind.

For $175, Tampa-area residents can now include baby alligators in their party plans. A local mother surprised her son for his eighth birthday by having an alligator in the pool.  For some reason, she didn’t tell his friends or their parents ahead of time. In hindsight, that was probably smart. Had she warned the other parents, her son might have spent his birthday alone.

Bob Barrett, who supplies the exotic animals, says it’s safe. However, not everyone agrees. Critics argue that it’s bad parenting to mix alligators and eight year olds. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission said, “this is not something that we encourage.”

Of course, there’s nothing like the joy of a child. The birthday boy was thrilled with the experience and said “They go really fast. They’re like, really cool.”

If reptiles aren’t your thing, you can always go swimming with a tiger. Dade City Wild Things animal sanctuary offers just such an experience. For $200 per person, you can spend 30 minutes in the pool with a cub.

According to Randy Stearns, sanctuary president, tigers are the best swimmers of all big cats. He adds the swimming sessions are relatively safe. Knowing how much cats love water, it must be exhilarating to be in a pool with a carnivorous beast.

I’m holding out until I can afford both. I won’t invite kids because that would be crazy. I want to have a party with an alligator at the tiger pool. I bet they’ll go really fast and it will be really cool. And relatively safe.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


P.S. For $200 I’ll let you shower with my parrot.

It’s relatively safe

%d bloggers like this: