True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘travel’

Bad Connection

Stephen and I recently took a trip with a dear friend. At the end of a long day of socializing, we all retired to our respective hotel rooms. Parting company for the evening, Linda asked if we would give her a quick wake-up call the next morning. Our response – of course.

Before going to bed, I tried connecting to the hotel’s wi-fi. After several unsuccessful attempts, Stephen called the front desk for the correct password. When he picked up the hotel phone it was dead so he used his cell instead.

Finally getting online, it hit me. Our room phone was dead – we wouldn’t be able to give Linda her wake-up call. Since I was already in my night shirt, I asked Stephen to go next door to tell Linda we couldn’t call her in the morning. Because it was late and we didn’t know if she would be in bed, Stephen didn’t want to knock on her door. Instead, he called her room on his cell phone. CALLED…HER…ROOM to tell her we couldn’t call her to provide a wake-up call. When I realized we were calling her to tell her we couldn’t call her, I told Stephen to hang up – quick. We confessed the next morning and all got a good laugh.

Clearly there was a bad connection, only this one happened to be in my brain.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

This phone has a bad connection, too

This phone has a bad connection, too

Advertisements

Minot, ND Airport

Traveling home from Minot, North Dakota, my sister and I were both happy to be going through the new airport. Open for only a few months, it still smelled new. With six gates instead of the old airport’s two, my sister described it as a “real airport”.

When we arrived, we were the first in line but unfortunately the ticket agent wasn’t there. We had to wait 30 minutes before they were available to check my sister’s bag.

Long lines to check bags

Long lines to check bags

With that behind us, we headed up to security. Once again we were first in line and once again, they were closed – not opening for another 15 minutes.

Woo-hoo! First in line at security!

Woo-hoo! First in line at security!

Either a lot of people arrive too early or the lines get long, because the local pub will deliver spirits while you wait.

Notice the fine print

Notice the fine print

Of course the Tap House was closed when we were there.

As we were standing around chatting with the four other passengers, I noticed a sign that listed how to expedite getting through security. Unfortunately, it was too far away to read. I doubt it would have made a difference, anyway.

Helpful instructions are more helpful if you can read them

Helpful instructions are more helpful if you can read them

When the gates finally opened, Diana and I proudly headed through the pre-check line – this time first to be screened. By then, there was a huge crowd – at least 10 passengers. As luck would have it, Diana was selected for additional screening. I just can’t take her anywhere.

Finally on the other side, waiting for our flight, I noticed footprints to line yourself up for a selfie.

This beckoned me

This beckoned me

Sensing this must be a scenic spot, I complied.

Notice the scenic background

Notice the scenic background

In spite of our multiple delays, the airport was a positive experience. If you’re looking for stress-free travel, I highly recommend the new Minot airport.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Get Your Virtual Vacation Here

If you want to go on vacation but don’t have enough money, the first thing that probably pops into your mind is sending a stuffed animal so you can travel vicariously through its fake little eyes. Right?

Japanese travel agency, Unagi Travel, thinks so. For the low price range of $35 to $55 (plus the cost of shipping your stuffed animal to Japan), the toy of your choice can go on a guided tour of Tokyo or take a trip to onsen (hot springs). Those with a more adventurous spirit can select a mystery tour where the destination is revealed at the last minute.

This is a brilliant idea. The people who run Unagi probably couldn’t afford to take a vacation and came up with an innovative way to get other people to pay.

Personally, I’m not inclined to send one of my toys on a trip; I’d rather save that money so I can take the toy myself.

However, if the idea appeals to you, I have a terrific compromise. For $25, I’ll photoshop your favorite toy into the destination of your choice. Additionally, you don’t have to pay any shipping charges, just email a picture at no cost.

Heck. If you send me a picture of yourself, I’ll put you in the image instead.

My solution allows you to live vicariously through a toy’s (or your own) virtual vacation AND allows you to save to take a real vacation. How’s that for a win-win!

Need proof that I’ve got the skills? Look where Dewey and Mia have been.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

It's hard to believe, but Dewey and Mia were never in Chichen Itza. I can't say one way or the other about the UFO.

It’s hard to believe, but Dewey and Mia were never in Chichen Itza. I can’t say the same about the UFO.

Gun Control

Researchers in Japan invented a speech jamming gun. It works by recording the victim’s own words and sending them back with a 0.2 second delay. The effect this has on the brain makes its target unable to speak.

I believe the early prototype was a stupid gun and that it was tested on politicians. Take a look at the following evidence and see if you agree.

  • “I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.” — Dan Quayle
  • “They misunderestimated me.” — George W. Bush
  • “I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • “My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you’ll join with me as we try to change it.” — Barack Obama
  • “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” — Marion Berry
  • “When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.” — Richard Nixon
  • “We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it.” — Nancy Pelosi

The speech jammer is definitely an improvement over the stupid gun. By rendering politicians mute, I think many will appear smarter.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Sit. Stay.

Sleeping With Dogs

When we adopted our first Italian Greyhound, Stephen was determined that the dog wouldn’t sleep with us so for 2 months we listened to Tony howl himself to sleep and us awake. Everything changed when we had house guests. “Just during the visit” Tony was allowed to sleep with us. I’ll never forget that first night – absolute quiet accompanied by a good night’s sleep. From that point forward, Tony began sleeping in our bed.

One would think that a bed big enough for two adults could certainly accommodate an additional 12 pounds. There was plenty of room when Tony was cold because he would curl himself into a tiny ball or plaster his body next to one of us. However, once he got comfortable and started to warm up, he spread out. This was no problem as long as he slept in the normal direction but Tony wanted to touch us both so he slept sideways, in the middle of the bed. This two foot tall dog quickly became nearly 50 inches long.  To put it in perspective, a queen size bed is only 60 inches wide, leaving about 5 inches each for Stephen and me. Tony’s behavior was typical of every Italian Greyhound who’s ever owned us.

Letting Tony in our bed started out as a means to get a good night’s sleep. Over time, this brilliant plan has evolved into not such a good night’s sleep because there’s no room. It is quiet though.

Our situation is not unique and was best summed up by a woman living with two Italian Greyhounds. Her grandson was visiting and spent the night at her house. She told me that she couldn’t figure out why she had slept so well until she realized that one of her dogs didn’t sleep in her bed – he spent the night with her grandson. We both laughed and agreed that everything we do tends to be for the dogs.

Whether or not you have a dog, I hope you get a good night’s sleep.

May the farce be with you.

Your IFF,

Pam

Fractured Cliché #20

Chicago is a green city – at least on St. Patrick’s day. The celebration starts when the river is dyed green which is followed by a parade.

People dressed in green gather in bars drinking green beer overlooking the green river. As they drink, their inhibitions drop and they start to sing. As the luck o’ the Irish has it, this is the perfect lead-in to today’s Fractured Cliché.

Fractured Cliché:  When Irish guys are smiling

Correct Cliché:  When Irish eyes are smiling

Technically this isn’t a cliché, it’s the beginning of a song. However, if the Fractured Cliché was a song, I envision it would go something like this:

When Irish guys are smiling,

You can hear the angels sing.

In the midst of drunken laughter,

It’s just the beer talking.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Irish Rovers

%d bloggers like this: