True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘vacation’

Don’t Feed The Animals

During the last night of a Florida vacation, Stephen and I had dinner outside by the pool of our hotel – our last chance to experience a warm evening outdoors.

When our food arrived, we were surprised to find we had dinner guests. Three little ducks came by our table begging for food.

I don’t often get the chance to feed wild animals, so I jumped at it. I would take a few bites and then give one of my buddies a bite.

I continued for 15 minutes when Stephen noticed a sign on our table:

“Do Not Feed The Wildlife. Feeding Wildlife changes their natural behavior and may be harmful to their health.”

Upon seeing the sign, Stephen suggested that I comply. Initially, I did but then had second thoughts.

These ducks had just gotten out of a swimming pool. They were shaking chlorinated water off their little bodies as they trotted over to beg for food. They had tiny beach towels and had no doubt been in the sun earlier in the day. Their drinks had umbrellas and one duck was wearing sun glasses.

I concluded that their natural behavior had already changed and went back to feeding them.

My thought was if the hotel didn’t want me to feed the ducks, they needed to stop feeding me in the duck’s new natural habitat.

Changing natural behavior isn’t always harmful. On the way back to our room, we watched one of the ducks waddle into the health club.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Peeking duck

Peeking duck



Letting Go

Last year I almost killed myself with a recycle bin. This year that experience saved my life.

On vacation with my husband Stephen and friend Vivian, there were two suitcases between the three of us.

Our hotel room was on the second floor with no elevator. Stephen offered to carry both suitcases upstairs but when he grabbed Vivian’s I took ours.

Everything was fine until I neared the top of the stairs and my balance shifted. I felt the suitcase pull me back down the stairs…so I let go.

There it goes

There it goes

I could have followed but didn’t because I released the suitcase and grabbed the handrail.

Quick thinking

Quick thinking

What does this have to do with the recycle bin experience?

I fell with the recycle bin because I didn’t let go. Had I released my grip, I wouldn’t have fallen. Lesson learned and as a result, I didn’t go down with the suitcase.

Thanks to the recycle bin incident, this didn't happen

Dramatic enactment of what could have happened

The morale of the story – sometimes you have to let go. Whatever you release may not come back to you, but that’s okay because you’ll be alive.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,




Last week I accidentally posted today’s blog. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem except I was on vacation and didn’t do any writing.  So today you get a preview of what’s to come.

One of these resulted in a near disaster on my trip. Can you guess which one? Check back next week to find out.

Fish Boil



May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Casa Doo Doo

Sometimes I run across two seemingly unrelated items that simply must be brought together.

There’s an unusual hotel located in Belgium shaped like a human colon, including an anus. It’s appropriately named CasAnus.

Anal Retentive Hotel

Anal Retentive Hotel

The hotel appears to be located in a wasteland, but it’s actually near a lake. The suite features one room but is by no means a dump.  One night costs around $165. That seems like a crappy price for such strange accommodations but I hear you can pay in arrears.

Meanwhile, nearly 6,000 miles away in Hong Kong, there once stood a 51-foot tall inflatable feces sculpture called Complex Pile.

Impressive Feces

Impressive Feces

Formerly on display at the site of a future museum, the piece was eventually flushed by a rainstorm.

I think Complex Pile would be a tremendous asset for CasAnus. Check out my rendering below.

Casanus w poo

Nice Orifice

Definitely an unusual experience, CasAnus might be worth checking out. If you can’t afford to actually go there, remember that I can place you there virtually for a small fee.

If you’re looking for a worthy cause, join me in petitioning to get Complex Pile moved to CasAnus. It’s our doodey to bring them together.

May the farts be with you!

Your IFF,


For more information about CasAnus, check out this video.

Get Your Virtual Vacation Here

If you want to go on vacation but don’t have enough money, the first thing that probably pops into your mind is sending a stuffed animal so you can travel vicariously through its fake little eyes. Right?

Japanese travel agency, Unagi Travel, thinks so. For the low price range of $35 to $55 (plus the cost of shipping your stuffed animal to Japan), the toy of your choice can go on a guided tour of Tokyo or take a trip to onsen (hot springs). Those with a more adventurous spirit can select a mystery tour where the destination is revealed at the last minute.

This is a brilliant idea. The people who run Unagi probably couldn’t afford to take a vacation and came up with an innovative way to get other people to pay.

Personally, I’m not inclined to send one of my toys on a trip; I’d rather save that money so I can take the toy myself.

However, if the idea appeals to you, I have a terrific compromise. For $25, I’ll photoshop your favorite toy into the destination of your choice. Additionally, you don’t have to pay any shipping charges, just email a picture at no cost.

Heck. If you send me a picture of yourself, I’ll put you in the image instead.

My solution allows you to live vicariously through a toy’s (or your own) virtual vacation AND allows you to save to take a real vacation. How’s that for a win-win!

Need proof that I’ve got the skills? Look where Dewey and Mia have been.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


It's hard to believe, but Dewey and Mia were never in Chichen Itza. I can't say one way or the other about the UFO.

It’s hard to believe, but Dewey and Mia were never in Chichen Itza. I can’t say the same about the UFO.

Gun Control

Researchers in Japan invented a speech jamming gun. It works by recording the victim’s own words and sending them back with a 0.2 second delay. The effect this has on the brain makes its target unable to speak.

I believe the early prototype was a stupid gun and that it was tested on politicians. Take a look at the following evidence and see if you agree.

  • “I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.” — Dan Quayle
  • “They misunderestimated me.” — George W. Bush
  • “I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • “My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you’ll join with me as we try to change it.” — Barack Obama
  • “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” — Marion Berry
  • “When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.” — Richard Nixon
  • “We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it.” — Nancy Pelosi

The speech jammer is definitely an improvement over the stupid gun. By rendering politicians mute, I think many will appear smarter.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Sit. Stay.

Sleeping With Dogs

When we adopted our first Italian Greyhound, Stephen was determined that the dog wouldn’t sleep with us so for 2 months we listened to Tony howl himself to sleep and us awake. Everything changed when we had house guests. “Just during the visit” Tony was allowed to sleep with us. I’ll never forget that first night – absolute quiet accompanied by a good night’s sleep. From that point forward, Tony began sleeping in our bed.

One would think that a bed big enough for two adults could certainly accommodate an additional 12 pounds. There was plenty of room when Tony was cold because he would curl himself into a tiny ball or plaster his body next to one of us. However, once he got comfortable and started to warm up, he spread out. This was no problem as long as he slept in the normal direction but Tony wanted to touch us both so he slept sideways, in the middle of the bed. This two foot tall dog quickly became nearly 50 inches long.  To put it in perspective, a queen size bed is only 60 inches wide, leaving about 5 inches each for Stephen and me. Tony’s behavior was typical of every Italian Greyhound who’s ever owned us.

Letting Tony in our bed started out as a means to get a good night’s sleep. Over time, this brilliant plan has evolved into not such a good night’s sleep because there’s no room. It is quiet though.

Our situation is not unique and was best summed up by a woman living with two Italian Greyhounds. Her grandson was visiting and spent the night at her house. She told me that she couldn’t figure out why she had slept so well until she realized that one of her dogs didn’t sleep in her bed – he spent the night with her grandson. We both laughed and agreed that everything we do tends to be for the dogs.

Whether or not you have a dog, I hope you get a good night’s sleep.

May the farce be with you.

Your IFF,


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