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Posts tagged ‘Vivian’

The Haunting

Every year my friend, Vivian, visits to celebrate the holidays. She always sleeps in the same room. Last year, she heard strange noises during the night and concluded the room is haunted. She may be right.

We have a journal in the guest room in which our visitors can write comments. After Vivian left last year, we found the following entry from my deceased father-in-law who also used to stay in that room.

Wayne was a jokester in life. I’m not saying he haunted the room or wrote the note, but these actions are consistent with his character.

This year Vivian once again heard noises during the night, insisting the room is still haunted. No other guest has made this claim, so I felt it only fair to notify future visitors of this possibility by including my own note in the guest book.


May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Vivian sleeping through the haunting. (Second note to self: make noises louder next year)




Visit With Vivian 2018

I recently spent a week with Vivian, my friend of more than 30 years. Earlier this year she moved into a new house, so I went to help her with some of the finishing touches. I also went to meet her two new cats. I had already met the other three.

Vivian’s beautiful home has a finished, walk-out basement that she doesn’t use, so I had an entire floor to myself. Well, almost. I woke up to this every morning.

Honor and Handsome

Additionally, I had to share my bathroom.


Vivian thought of everything, including my private media center.

This was all mine!

However, I never used it because it seemed too difficult, what with three times as many remotes as devices.

Six remotes for a TV and a DVD player (which wasn’t plugged in).

One of the projects we worked on was assembling a lamp. Everything had to be put together, including the shade – otherwise how would it all fit in its tiny box?

The entire lamp was packed into this little box

Although most of our focus was on the house, Vivian’s car required a little work, too. A greasy cable was dangling from her door frame so she fixed it with duct tape.

Duct tape saved Vivian’s hair from a greasy cable

At the end of every busy day, we made time to enjoy the finer things in life.

Hilly forced us to relax

I was reminded during my visit how amazing it is that Vivian and I started out as friends and over time became family.

We’re like the mafia – in for life

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Separate Checks, Please

My friend Vivian and I spent a week together, eating out for nearly every meal. We always split the bill, asking for separate checks when possible.

At one restaurant, we decided to share a plate. The server asked if we wanted one check or two. At the same time I answered one, Vivian said two.

I reasoned that we could divide the total ourselves since we only ordered one meal.  Nevertheless, Vivian wanted separate checks so that’s what we got.

When the checks came, I pulled out cash for my share. Vivian didn’t have the right change to pay her’s separately, so she took my money and we combined the two into one.

When the server returned, I slowly and deliberately told her how nice it was that she split the bill into two checks, as my friend requested. But sadly, my friend didn’t have the right change, so we combined the checks back into one. I thanked her for taking the extra steps and apologized that it had been unnecessary.

The server laughed at the exchange. Vivian looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

The lesson here is that when someone agrees to be my friend, they open themselves up to good natured ridicule and reading about it online.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


Lucky Vivian!

Lucky Vivian!

Dirty Money

Toward the end of a delicious meal with my friend, Vivian, the server left our check with instructions to take our time.

Out of habit, I immediately reached for my wallet. The following conversation ensued.

Vivian – You don’t have to pay now. We’re still eating – you should wait.

Me – I want to get my money out. You can wait until you’re finished – there’s no rush.

Vivian – Exactly my point – there’s no rush. You shouldn’t touch that dirty money and then continue eating with those nasty fingers. It’s gross. Just wait.

That was when I started having fun.

I reached into my wallet, pulled the money out and rubbed it between my hands – right in front of her face. I made a big show of it prior to placing the money with the check.

Then I grabbed a french fry off of my plate and rubbed it between my hands before placing it in my mouth. Again, making a big show of it.

Vivian – That’s disgusting. You don’t know where that money has been. You’re going to catch some awful disease.

Me – This coming from the woman with four cats who stick their paws and faces in your glass after using the litter box and licking their own butts.

I think we all know who won that conversation!

Check mate.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


(Hey Vivian – I’m still not sick!)

This is one of the creatures that keeps Vivian's immune system active

This is one of the creatures that keeps Vivian’s immune system active

The Dawn of Curiosity

I love the pictures NASA has been sharing since launching the Rover Curiosity to Mars and Dawn Spacecraft to the dwarf planet Ceres.

Being transported to other worlds fuels the thirst for information about the big question of whether we are alone in the universe.

The most famous “alien” sighting took place in Roswell, New Mexico. Of course the supposed space ship was later debunked as being a simple weather balloon.

Sightings of mysterious lights in the sky have also been exposed as flares, reflections or experimental aircraft.

Given our history, it’s no surprise that the latest findings on Mars and Ceres are reigniting our wonder of what – or who – is out there.

Take a look at recent NASA photos.

Pyramid on Mars

Pyramid on Mars

The Mars pyramid is estimated to be the size of a car. Some people wonder whether more of the structure is buried under the dirt.

Pyramid on Ceres

Pyramid on Ceres

The Ceres pyramid is thought to be three miles high. We’ll know more when Dawn get’s closer to the planet.

The current theory is that both off-world pyramids were created by wind.

My friend Vivian visited Egypt and she’s adamant that Earth pyramids were not formed by wind (or aliens).

Pyramid on Earth

Pyramid on Earth

As if the pyramids weren’t enough to get our neurons sparking, scientists have been puzzling over a series of unexplained lights in a crater on Ceres.

Bright spots on Ceres

Bright spots on Ceres

Of course they aren’t from a city or spaceship, that explanation is just too far fetched. The thought is they may be from reflective ice or salt.

I suspect they’re reflections from weather balloons that measured the force of the wind that created that perfectly formed pyramid. What do you think?

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF and Psy-Ficologist,


Green Eggs and Green Ham

I recently traveled to visit my friend, Vivian, to help her organize some things in her house.

I volunteered to go through the kitchen because it was a big job (nearly a whole day) and I could do the work without supervision, freeing Vivian to pursue other endeavors.

Before - when the cupboards were full

Before – when the cupboards were full

As I was sorting through the cupboards, I threw out expired items. I think most people find such items periodically, but for Vivian almost everything had to be tossed.

Once finished, I showed Vivian my handiwork so she could see that most items would have to be replaced.

There's almost nothing left

There’s almost nothing left

A few weeks later when we were talking, Vivian told me that she had come down with a severe stomach flu. She went into her kitchen looking for chicken soup, hoping the mild liquid would make her feel better. To her chagrin, her cupboards were bare.

She concluded it was my fault that she couldn’t find anything to eat because I threw everything away.

I reminded her that I only tossed expired items – that she was lucky. If it hadn’t been for me, she would have eaten bad soup that would have exacerbated her already distressed gut. She didn’t sound convinced.

Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t an accident when she almost ran over me with her car on one of our trips to the dumpster with the expired food.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


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