True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Posts tagged ‘winter’

Winter’s Song

(To be sung to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas”)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Ev’rywhere I go.

The dogs need their coats and boots to go out in the cold to p**p,

And they need their fancy ‘lectric heated throw.

Trying...to...stay...awake...

Trying…to…stay…awake…

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Snow at my back door.

But the prettiest sight I see is the one on my iPad screen

Of the ocean shore.

 

A pair of thinsulate boots, a Canadian tuque

To keep out the wind and the cold,

A coat past my knees to make sure I don’t freeze,

Warm gloves or a muff I can hold.

I can hardly wait for spring and the smell of marigolds.

Oops - forgot coat. Distracted by squirrel!

Oops – forgot coat. Distracted by squirrel!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Ev’rywhere I go.

The weather’s on my last nerve. Trees in the forest preserve

Are the wimpy kind that plummet from the snow.

 

It’s beginning to look a lot like Winter,

Soon the snow will fall.

And the reason that it’s okay is that it will go away

With Spring’s sweet call.

Only six more months to go

Only six more months to go

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Oh Holey Sole

I don’t like winter. As a result, I often take irrational steps to pretend it doesn’t exist. Although I don a coat at the first sign of dropping temperatures, when it snows, I rarely wear boots, instead opting for tennis shoes or fleece lined clogs.

I have this preposterous thought in the back of my head that if I refuse to wear boots, I can prevent snow from falling. It’s never worked, nevertheless my behavior remains unchanged.

The first snowfall of the year, Stephen and I attended an arts and crafts show. True to form, I wore my tennis shoes. I got in the car in the garage and didn’t step outside in the snow until we arrived at our destination.

As soon as I stepped onto the slushy pavement, much to my surprise, I felt freezing water rush past my toes to the top of my foot. Running and squealing into the building, my feet were freezing and soaked before I got inside. In the entry, between fits of laughter, I told Stephen what happened. The soles of my shoes apparently had open holes of which I was unaware.

The offending footwear

The sole offender

I sloshed for three hours throughout the entire show. When it was finally time to leave, my feet were still cold and wet. I thought this might be Mother Nature’s way of telling me my choice of footwear could not control the weather.

The experience left an indelible mark on my sole and as a result, I’ve stopped wearing tennis shoes in the snow – clogs it is.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

 

An Ode to Mother Fricking Nature

Third worst in written history

This was the worst winter to me

With 80 inches plus of snow

And frigid temps below zero

So happy when the springtime came

With sunny days and warmth again

But no such luck – the skies are gray

And the cold temps won’t go away

What more can Mother Nature bring?

Wake up Bitch – it’s fricking spring!

 

First Day of Spring

First Day of Spring

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Fractured Cliché #50

Fractured Cliché: Party ‘till the hogs come home

Correct Cliché: Party ‘till the cows come home

Today is Groundhog Day – when a magically imbued rodent predicts the weather. This morning, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, foretelling six more weeks of winter. If he hadn’t, it would have meant an early spring.

When I was growing up in northern North Dakota, we didn’t care whether or not Phil saw his shadow because either prediction was good news. An early spring or 6 more weeks of winter? Both meant our winter would be cut short.

In some circles, the mood is a little sad today. With all eyes focused on Punxsutawney Phil, a lot of the country has forgotten about a little game called football. For the first time ever, the Super Bowl, the coup de grâce of the season, is being trumped by Groundhog Day.

Whatever your focus, find a reason to celebrate – for shadows, sports, commercials, drinks or food. Party till the pigskin comes home.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

If Punxsutawney Phil played football

If Punxsutawney Phil played football

Whiteout

Wite-out

Wite-out

Winter is Nature’s Way of Saying “Up Yours”*

I hate winter but it’s inevitable, so I’m not going to fight it any longer. This year I’ve decided I’m going to like it.

These are a few of the things I appreciate the most.

1. Looking younger with nonsurgical face peels.

When I’m out in the cold long enough, my face freezes resulting in the eventual loss of the top layer of skin. Some people pay doctors big bucks for a face peel but nature will do the work for free.

2. The opportunity to eat more.

I can burn more calories in the winter. Shoveling snow, skating to the mailbox, and shivering all allow me to eat that much needed comfort food while maintaining a healthy weight.

3. Hiding that extra bulge.

Okay, so if my weight isn’t totally healthy, the bulky clothes will hide that unsightly bulge.

4.  The time change.

I relish the beginning of daylight savings time and one less hour of sleep. It’s invigorating and works to keep my brain healthy.

5.  Calming landscapes.

The beauty of monotonous snow along with cold, cloudy days over and over again calms the soul.

As much as I love winter, I also enjoy summer.

I most look forward to one of the first signs that summer’s just around the corner – when stores start putting up their Christmas displays.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

* Title quote by Robert Byrne

Mia in the summer

Mia staying warm in the summer

Mia in the winter

Mia staying warm in the winter

50 Shades of Gray

I’m not a winter person. I miss the crisp, clean air of summer, the fragrant odor of flowers and freshly mowed grass, the sounds of birds singing in the morning, and of course, the warm temperatures. Every winter I ask myself why I don’t live in a warmer climate.

One aspect of winter that I’d never considered until recently is the absence of color. Upon returning from a warm winter getaway, a friend mentioned that she misses the colors associated with summer. When her plane was leaving Mexico, she looked out the window and saw 70 shades of blue, 30 shades of green, and splashes of red. However, as she was landing in Chicago, she only saw gray.

These pictures of the same scene vividly illustrate the point.

winter view

50 Shades of Gray

Go Green!

Go Green!

I long for colors and thankfully, Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early spring.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

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