True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

The Great Steampunkin

It's The Great Steampunkin, Charlie Brown

It’s The Great Steampunkin, Charlie Brown

I Need To Get A Head

Before Cold Water Creek (a women’s clothing store) went out of business, Stephen drug me kicking and screaming into the store. As we were browsing, I noticed a row of mannequins for sale – headless, armless upper torsos on stands.

Sitting all alone, was a torso without a stand, or a price. I approached a manager who asked me if I’d be willing to buy it for $50. I said as much as I would love to own such a beautiful creature – no.

Then she explained the actual cost would be half off plus and additional 20% discount. This would bring the grand total to $22. SOLD!!!

So excited about my purchase, I seriously shopped for clothes. When I finally came out of the dressing room, Stephen was grinning from ear to ear. He was holding arms… for my torso.

I was initially thrilled but then stopped to ask the price. They were free!!!! Not only was I getting a headless torso for $22, I was getting arms for free! This was my day.

When I got home, I carted my legs (“Gams”) from the basement to see if they would be a match for my torso (now known as M’Lady). YES!!!! I just have to figure out how to put them together.

With Halloween right around the corner, I found Zombie hands – a right and a left – that are about the right size.

Now there’s only one thing missing.

Any ideas where I can get a head?

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Gams & M'Lady

Gams & M’Lady

Cow Tipping

20% gets the job done

20% gets the job done

Geico Gecko Scandal

News reports that Debi Nubatonis, a 31-year-old Indonesian woman, gave birth to a gecko are true*. She was threatened by an angry lynch mob after delivering her baby because they thought she practiced witchcraft. However, it’s unlikely witchcraft was involved.

Paparazzi report sightings of the Geico Gecko in Indonesia approximately 8 months ago.  More specifically, he was seen with Debi on numerous occasions in spite of attempts to go incognito.

In disguise

In disguise**

 

The Gecko,  author of “You’re Only Human” and a spokes lizard for Geico Insurance, initially refused to comment but later went on the record to say:

“I did not have sex with that woman. This is definitely not my baby. I’ve asked for a DNA test and plan to appear on the celebrity edition of Maury Povich when the results are revealed. I don’t have anything to hide.”

Reporters reached out to Maxwell the pig, also a representative for Geico, and asked him what he thought of the whole affair. He said

“There’s definitely a danger for animals who take on human roles.  We have a tendency to identify with humans and run the risk of losing our own identity. The Gecko is a perfect example. His book is about being human and now it appears as though he’s established a relationship with a human woman. It’s very sad.”

It looks like we’ll have to wait until Maury Povich airs to learn the truth.

In the mean time, the baby, who’s name is yet to be revealed, has been accused of not even existing. Doctors suspect Debi suffered a false pregnancy and that a lizard may have landed on discharge during the faux birthing which the midwife mistook as a baby.

Doctors claim there has never been a case of cross-species conception or birth. Tell that to the Gecko.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

*It’s true this story was reported on the news. I don’t know if the story itself is true but the blog isn’t.

**Photo from youtube.wikia.com

Sunday Driver

Sundae Driver

Sundae Driver

Don’t Feed The Animals

During the last night of a Florida vacation, Stephen and I had dinner outside by the pool of our hotel – our last chance to experience a warm evening outdoors.

When our food arrived, we were surprised to find we had dinner guests. Three little ducks came by our table begging for food.

I don’t often get the chance to feed wild animals, so I jumped at it. I would take a few bites and then give one of my buddies a bite.

I continued for 15 minutes when Stephen noticed a sign on our table:

“Do Not Feed The Wildlife. Feeding Wildlife changes their natural behavior and may be harmful to their health.”

Upon seeing the sign, Stephen suggested that I comply. Initially, I did but then had second thoughts.

These ducks had just gotten out of a swimming pool. They were shaking chlorinated water off their little bodies as they trotted over to beg for food. They had tiny beach towels and had no doubt been in the sun earlier in the day. Their drinks had umbrellas and one duck was wearing sun glasses.

I concluded that their natural behavior had already changed and went back to feeding them.

My thought was if the hotel didn’t want me to feed the ducks, they needed to stop feeding me in the duck’s new natural habitat.

Changing natural behavior isn’t always harmful. On the way back to our room, we watched one of the ducks waddle into the health club.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Peeking duck

Peeking duck

 

King of the Jungle

It's good to be king

It’s good to be king

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