True, embellished and fictional stories for your amusertainment

Fractured Cliché #53

I’m domestically challenged. I’ve admitted this before and although I’m not proud, the fact remains.

Sometimes my friends forget the extent of my, um, disability. They’ll ask me to help with “little” things in the kitchen. With my limitations, nothing is little. The beauty is that I’m always only asked once.

One of my most memorable blunders occurred when I was asked to slice tomatoes. For the average person, this might sound relatively easy. However, for me there’s a lot to consider. A tomato is round with no obvious up or down side. Therefore, when slicing a tomato, it’s not clear where to start.

Well, I sliced the tomato wrong. The person who asked me to complete this task, with full knowledge of my incompetence, couldn’t understand how I could mess up something so simple.

I’ll tell you how. There were no instructions. In the kitchen instructions are rarely detailed enough for me. That’s why I should never be asked to assist with cooking or food preparation of any kind.

Although today’s blunder isn’t technically a cliché, the sentiment still applies.

Fractured Phrase: Beefcake Tomato

Fractured Phrase: Beefsteak Tomato

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Beefcake Tomato

Beefcake Tomato

Baseball Bat

Baseball Bat

Looks like he’s a Cubs fan

The Miracle

Last Sunday started out like any other day. I woke up early, had breakfast and read the Sunday paper. Then everything changed.

I went upstairs to shower and found a miraculous event had occurred in the bathroom sink.

 

Jesus appeared in my sink

Jesus appeared in my sink

I’m not a religious person but felt I had to pay attention when Jesus appeared. I didn’t know what message was being conveyed, but was determined to keep my mind open.

Stephen and I had a lot of errands to run so we decided to get an early start. We had to go to Walmart. We rarely go there because it is always so crowded – and crazy. However, I was amazed when we found a parking spot right up front. It was like God was shining down on me (or up at me from my sink).

See how close we parked?

See how close we parked?

The blessing continued when we entered the store. We were nearly the only customers and didn’t have to wait in a long line to check out.

It was like Walmart opened just for us

It was like a private opening

Even the clerks were in a good mood. A checker watched as I took Stephen’s picture and asked if this was our first trip to Walmart. When we told her why we were capturing the moment, she laughed. We made her day, too!

And to think it all started with an innocent picture of Jesus in my sink.

I must confess that God’s appearance wasn’t a miracle. Stephen did it. I know this because Jesus looked like he was giving me the finger. I don’t think he does that.

Nevertheless, we did experience a miracle that day. Just look where we parked!

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Half Caff

Half Calf

Half Calf

Three Bizarre Stories

I’m always searching for new material and this week I found three incredible stories.

1. Scientists Clone Baby Dinosaur

Jurassic Park is real! British scientists successfully cloned a dinosaur. The miraculous creature is an Apatosaurus named Spot. DNA was extracted from fossils and injected into an ostrich to create the clone. There’s no telling where this incredible advancement will lead.

 

Cloned Baby Dinosaur

Cloned Baby Dinosaur

2. Google Earth Saves Woman Trapped on Desert Island

Who would have predicted that Google Earth could save someone’s life? It did for Gemma Sheridan. She had been stranded on a desert island for seven years after her boat shipwrecked. She crafted an SOS sign on the beach hoping a passing plane would see it and rescue her. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine her message would be seen on Google Earth and reported to authorities. But that’s exactly what happened. Gemma’s now been happily reunited with her family.

Google Earth Saves the Day

Google Earth Saves the Day

3. Internet Shuts Down For Spring Cleaning

Don’t plan on reading this blog between 12:01 am on April 12 and noon on April 13. The Internet is going to be shut down for 36 hours for its annual spring-cleaning. Once all the old data is purged, the Internet should work better and faster. A new blog will be posted on the afternoon of the 13th, after the spring cleaning is concluded.

Internet Shuts Down

Internet Shuts Down

According to the World Wide Web, 98% of people distrust the information they read on the Internet; 2% are gullible. I found these stories fascinating and if you agree (aka you’re in the 2%), I’ve got some land to sell you in Florida…

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

Credits: All photos and stories are from news-hound.org

Louisville Slugger

The best in his league, it took Louis Ville Slug nearly 12 hours to get to first base, assuming no one stepped on him.

The best in his league, it took Louie Ville Slug nearly 12 hours to get to first base, assuming no one stepped on him.

Fractured Cliché #52

A while back I was talking to a friend who was going through a rough time. I listened to her and offered emotional support.

In my attempt to say something that would make her feel better, I told her that it’s always darkest before the storm (Fractured Cliché).

When she heard me say that, she promptly burst into tears.

I wasn’t sure what I’d said wrong but I fumbled to make it right and restated that it’s always darkest before the calm (Fractured Cliché).

Unfortunately, she continued to cry. The damage had already been done.

Apparently, it’s not only dark before the storm, but it’s also calm before the storm (Correct Cliché).

Later, after we parted ways, I looked up the cliché to see what I should have said: It’s always darkest before the dawn (Correct Cliché).

I wish the correct cliché had dawned on me before I darkened my friend’s door – and mood.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,

Pam

It actually is dark before a storm. It's dark during a storm, too.

It’s not only dark before a storm. It’s dark during a storm, too.

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